MTV Review: 300: Rise Of An Empire
Gerard Butler may have left the franchise, but the flick is back on the big screen for another adventure...
UK Release Date: March 7
Running Time: 102 minutes
Cast: Sullivan Stapleton, Eva Green, Lena Headey, Rodrigo Santoro, Jack O'Connell
Director: Noam Murro
Plot: Brooding commander Themistokles (Sullivan) leads a depleted Greek fleet against a wave of brutal attacks by the aggressive Persian navy. Fronted by wimpy-man-turned-golden-god-with-great-buns, Xerxes (Santoro) and his sexy but deadly sidekick Artemisia (Eva Green) - a woman wanting bloody revenge. The pair are both hell-bent on turning Athens into Atlantis.
Best Scene: All the action in this movie takes place on the ocean as Greek ships battle with pimped-up Persian galleys. The Persians outnumber the Greek fleet greatly but those ancient Greeks, as History shows, are a clever bunch. A grotesque Persian hunchback tries tossing a flaming shot-put towards the Greeks but a wily Themistokles shoots him with an arrow sending him tumbling into a spume of hot oil which causes the Persian ship to blow up into a ball of fire and charred Persian sailors.
Best One Liner: “Let it be shown, we chose to die on our feet rather than live on our knees!”, thunders a topless Themistokles to his men in yet another rousing speech standing on top of a rock.
Date Movie or Mate Movie: DO NOT take a lady-date to see this movie. Every scene is soaked in a monsoon of blood and severed body parts. Even if your lady-date enjoys raw gore and severed limbs the other issue to worry about is the number of muscly men being, well muscly and manly. Ancient Greeks, it would seem, did not eat carbs. Men, you will want to put that popcorn down – forever!
Scene Stealer: Eva Green steals this show. She is a fierce and ferocious feminist who slays Greek men for LOLs. In one scene aboard her Persian galley she coolly decapitates a Greek captive and kisses him on the lips before casually bunging his severed head over board.
WTF Moment: The warring Themistokles and Artemisia call a parley in a brief respite between their bloody battle. The two enemies turn their attentions away from forming a truce and quite surprisingly rip each other clothes off and engage in a rough and ready sex session that turns very nasty. Make love and war it would seem.
Summary: Simple. If you liked the original 300 you will love this movie. If you did not like 300 you will not like this movie. Why? Basically 300: Rise Of The Empire is exactly the same as 300 - just with boats. It’s a stylistic action sandwich of a movie with a filling of yet more action. There’s blood aplenty where brave soldiers meet their grisly demise in different and creative ways. Eva Green’s Artemisia makes Margaret Thatcher look like Mother Teresa and you leave the auditorium wondering if capes and sandals would be a strong look this season.
By Michael Currell @mtvuknews