34 Thoughts Everyone Has Epilating For The First Time
OUCH THAT REALLY HURTS, basically.
Epilation. An almost relaxing sounding word, isn’t it? Ironic, then, that what it actually refers to is the process of ripping hairs out - at SPEED - from their comfy little follicle beds.
But what does it actually feel like to epilate? If you’ve never done it before, the below will give you a pretty good idea. If you have - you about to relate to all of this real hard...
I’m only at the ‘reading the instructions’ stage and am already intimidated. MUST pull skin taut, MUST move in direction of hair, hold at NINETY DEGREE ANGLE and DO NOT GO ANYWHERE NEAR FACE. Mum, I’m scared.
Can’t even remember what a ninety degree angle is, why did I not pay more attention in maths.
God I miss the trusty old razor already. At least you know where you are with old buddy old pal Mr. Razor.
Or Mrs. Razor. Don’t want no man in charge of my beauty regime.
Rambling now to try and put off the whole ‘ripping hair out at the roots’ part.
Should probably turn it on now.
CHRIST that is spinning fast.
Is it meant to be this fast and this loud? Not entirely sure I want to put this anywhere near my armpits/legs/vageen. Let’s turn it down to the lowest setting and start off slow…
Oh, this is the lowest setting. Good. Cool.
OK here we go, let’s do this. Let’s DO THIS.
*lets out battle cry*
OK it’s getting slightly more tolerable. If I sing a bit to distract myself and pull my skin so taut it could literally be used as a drum.
Sweating. Actually dripping in sweat. I’m sprawled naked on a towel on my bedroom floor (no plug sockets in the bathroom innit) sweating and wincing and I literally don’t think I’ve ever looked less attractive.
I might die a bit. That would be embarrassing wouldn’t it - ‘death by epilation’. What on earth would they say at my funeral?
Just gonna do one leg for now and shave the other, to erm… compare hair regrowth. Yes, it’ll be interesting to see the difference. That’s all. This is a scientific experiment. Ahem.
Right, onto bikini line.
Has anyone got any vodka? Pretty sure I need a shot of vodka before doing this.
Feel like I’m lowering the epilator towards my pubic region in slow motion. Just GET IT OVER WITH YOU FOOL.
Look at her, sitting there so innocently, with no idea what’s coming. I’m sorry vagina. I’m so sorry for what is about to happen.
I really can’t decide if this is worse that waxing or nah.
Pro: I don’t have a stranger staring my vajay in the face. Con: I’m doing this to myself and my body hates me.
Christ this feels like it’s taking forever.
Looks hella smooth though.
Another con: this device is going nowhere near my labia because I don’t fancy it getting mashed up in these ‘18 rotating tweezers’ (read: mini chainsaw) like a damp tissue in a blender.
Sorry that was an awful and disturbing analogy.
Speaking of ‘anal’, this is also going nowhere near my bum - you know, the bit the waxers always like to do at the end, when you’re crouching on all fours holding your cheeks apart wondering how this is human life on Earth.
OK DONE. I’ve never given birth, but I imagine this pain free sweet sweet relief is somewhat similar.
Not that pulling a few hairs out is on the same level as pushing an actual human out of a small hole, but still. Post-pain high.
Smooth smooth smooth. Except I’m still gonna have to shave the bits I couldn’t go near for fear of complete destruction so there’s that.
Swear to god this better last for 3 weeks like the box says it will because I can’t do this again for a while.
- Words by Lizzie Cox.
Now why not watch this vid of people taking an awkward af game of sexy Would You Rather…