Cheryl Cole On X Factor USA Sacking: "Simon Was Right To Get Rid Of Me"
Crazy Stupid Love singer has admitted to Elle UK that she "wasn't well in the head" during her time on the American talent show...
Chezza told the publication: "I can talk about this because I'm OK about it now. But I went through hell and it literally drove me mad. I became so desensitised, you could say terrible things to me and I wouldn't even think about it.
"I'd read awful stuff about myself and not blink. I shut down because I didn't know what else to do. Now I can say that Simon was right to get rid of me."
The 31-year old babe added: "I wasn't well in the head when that was going on, so it wasn't going to work. But he wasn't right not to tell me to my face.
"It only hit me at the beginning of 2013 that I'd completely lost myself. I'd look in a mirror and think: 'Who the hell is she?'. I didn't know what I thought or felt about anything, couldn't make decisions - I didn't even know what to eat or drink. Something was seriously wrong: it felt like a nervous breakdown.
"I had to stop, get out of my life I'd been living and find myself again. The consequences if I didn't were just too frightening."
Cole - who is now back as a panelist on the UK show - went on reveal just what she said to SiCo in an expletive-ridden text message following her dismissal from the talent series.
The Crazy Stupid Love singer recalled that she wrote: "F**k you, F**k Fox, F**k the orange and purple outfit. F**k the big hair. F**k the UK X Factor. F**k you all. I hate you."
Chezza also touched upon her divorce from footballer Ashley Cole in the chat, stating: "I thought I had every box ticked, career and personal. I was the first to get married. I was the one everyone thought would be the first to have a baby and then the rug got pulled out from under me.
"I've learned that there is no such thing as a plan. You can't make them."The gorgeous Geordie - who is now dating French restaurateur Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versini - concluded that the whole episode has made her a stronger woman: "I'm just enjoying finding out who I am. That's good enough right now... I know I'm really lucky because none of what I've been through broke me.
"It actually taught me everything I'm going to need for the rest of my life. I love feeling that I'm strong because I have good women at my side. And I don't give a f**k what people think any more."
Full interview appears in the August issue of ELLE UK, on sale July 3. Also available as a digital edition.
Cheryl's new single Crazy Stupid Love is out on July 20.