Weekend Pop Shots!
The Beckhams up their glitz factor while the Arctic Monkeys keep it resolutely real...
It's the news on everyone's lips: Becks's move to LA to play for wacky-sounding soccer team Los Angeles Galaxy.
The tabs have gone into frothing overdrive: earning a reported 50 million a year (from the club, sponsorship deals and image rights) will make Dave the world's highest paid superstar; Posh will have her pick of the swankiest deigner boutiques; Robbie Williams, Jay-Z and Beyonce will be on hand with cups of sugar as the Beckhams become their new neigbours; Vicki and J.Lo will finally embark on their 'new fashion line' and goodness knows what power the family will wield in the movie world now their bezzie mates Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes live just down the road...
Strangley, none of the rags actually linger long on the word 'football' - or the team's chances of winning serious Major Soccer League silverwear this season. Huh? What do you mean, 'Who cares?'
We don't imagine the Beckhams will be taking advice for their forthcoming house-warming bash from Arctic Monkeys frontman Alex Turner.
The Sun reports the singer had the most un-rock and roll-sounding 21st birthday party ever. He invited his band mates round to his mum and dad's Sheffield home and had - get this - tea and cake.
A source told the tab, "It was a treat for the lads to just have the day off. His mum bought him a big birthday cake and they all sang Happy Birthday."
The boys certainly like to keep things low-key - according to the Daily Star the band are refusing to let anyone hear their new album before it's released.
"They really want to push this through to avoid internet leaks - and they want their fans to hear it first," said a source.
You can't put a price on integrity, eh?
Finally, and rather bizarrely Madonna committed a geography gaffe that would make even Paris Hilton blush when she appeared on US TV yesterday (January 11).
Asked about life in the UK, the 48-year-old leotard lover burbled, "England is a small country, there is only one city."
Er, yeh. Like there's only one Queen Of Pop?
We doubt Kylie would ever make such an embarrassing faux pas about her adopted country!