79 Thoughts I Had Playing The New Assassins Creed: Origins Game
CROCODILES! EATING OTHER ANIMALS! AND BLOOD EVERYWHERE!
The upcoming Assassin’s Creed game, Assassins Creed: Origins, takes us back in time further than any AC game before: to the VERY START of the Brotherhood, in Ancient Egypt! It's filled with sand and crocodiles and sweaty Nile adventures and a new protagonist as hot as the desert he’s venturing across: Bayek.
The new game promises RPG style elements, with skill trees that give you the choice to level up the skills you want to progress in, a HUGE world to explore with the largest Assassins Creed map ever, loads of methods of travel to explore it with – from boat, like in Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag, to camel - and the ability to call on an actual eagle to give you literal eagle vision. His name is Senu and he’s a cutie.
We got an early hands on preview with the game, and this is *everything* that went through our head while battling the desert nasties…
1. I have a horse! My lovely horse. Which is lucky because this world is big AF.
2. Ancient Egypt is gorge. This would get so many likes on Instagram.
3. Oh hello! New hero Bayek is pretty Insta worthy too. ;)
4. Time for a nice scenic gallop into town.
5. This would all be pretty vacay goals if it wasn’t for the man being flogged in front of me.
6. Wow, floggers don't give up do they?
7. If I stand here forever will the captive man get slapped forever?
8. I suppose he will.
9. This is sad now.
10. Better ask him to stop.
11. He has a QUEST for me.
12. I will avenge the poor slapped man and FREE HIM using my awesome assassin skills.
13. I have to find treasures to stop the slapping. Seems legit.
14. Let’s use my shiny new eagle BFF to get a good view and track down the hidden objects.
15. I am eagle!
16. I am soaring over the sea.
17. This is all very lovely.
18. OMFG is that an alligator?
19. THE ALLIGATOR IS EATING SOMETHING.
20. IT IS EATING A GIANT ASS HIPPO.
21. I can’t.
22. This world is tough.
23. Next to the hippo carvery! There’s my shiny treasure in the water.
24. F*ck that. I’m not going anywhere near there yet.
25. FOUND ANOTHER TREASURE (and it’s not next to anything that wants to eat me. I think.)
26. It’s hiding on a BOAT.
27. I am a man on a mission. A mission to get to a boat and stop the slapping.
28. Back in the room. Thank you eagle BFF!
29. Now to take a little boat or swim to my mark?
30. Nope, swimming is dangerous AF. I didn’t join this epic 4k adventure to be made a croc’s lunch.
31. I have climbed aboard. Call me First Mate Bayek.
32. Steering a boat is so relaxing. And fast! And I’m so dry!
33. I’ve reached my destination. Better dive into the sea to traverse the one metre to the ship I want to ransack!
34. I AM ON THE SHIP WHERE THE $$$ AT. And all the BOAT PEOPLE HAVEN’T SPOTTED ME.
35. I have achieved top assassin greatness.
36. I am an assassin ninja.
37. Oh dear I’ve accidentally knocked over some pots.
38. I am spotted.
39. I am dead.
40. I am back and this time I will traverse the pots WITH STEALTH.
41. I have taken down a man SILENTLY.
42. Shhhhhhhhh!
43. I have used my hidden weapon to throw this dude overboard
44. AND IT FEELS GREAT.
45. OK I am done with being silent and want to steam the eff in.
46. Fire! What will happen if I light my arrow in this warm little flame…
47. And then shoot at the barrels?
48. FIRE EVERYWHERE.
49. My marks are toast.
50. And now to pick up my lovely singed treasure.
51. The next treasure I have to pick up is out in the sea… do I dare dive in?
52. No choice, off we go! Diving under..
53. IT’S… SO… BEAUTIFUL.
54. MUST HOLD BREATH
55. Treasure! Let’s get this back to Mr Floggy…
56. Just keep swimming…
57. Avoid dem crocodiles…
58. Just keep swimming…
59. Dry land! We made it!
60. And now we save the poor little dude.
61. THE DUDE IS FREE. OUR MISSION IS COMPLETE.
62. I AM EGYPT’S NUMBER ONE ASSASSIN.
63. ACCORDING TO ME.
64. I am ready to try gladiator mode!
65. Lots of gladiators are running towards me. All that time spent watching Ninja Warrior UK WAS NOT IN VAIN.
66. I am taking on the horde like a BOSS.
67. I am a goddamn warrior
68. I have pierced myself on a spiiiiike.
69. Gladiatoring is dangerous.
70. There is BLOOD ON MY HANDS.
71. And the sand, and these obstacles, and everywhere, really.
72. Dead.
73. BACK and I will lead this new opponent into a trap.
74. Follow me to your death by spike!
75. My opponent has died by spike.
76. I have also accidentally died by spike.
77. But I will avenge MY OWN DEATH.
78. At some point. When I get better at gladiatoring.
79. Where the hell is Senu?
Best New Video Games 2017
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Effing Awesome Trailer: The Evil Within 2 - It's like Westworld meets Death Stranding meets the Evil Within! The trailer for Bethesda’s survival horror sequel debuted at E3 2017 and it's stunning.Bethesda -
Best crossover: Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle - Mario + Rabbids is the combo we never knew we needed but now can't live without. LOLsy, fun, brilliantly weird and satisfyingly strategic, this is a unique turn based strategy as we've never seen before.Ubisoft -
Best Sequel: Life Is Strange 2 - The teen drama is back with a prequel: you'll discover how the badass blue haired Chloe came to be. Gone are the first games time rewind features, remaining are the story choices you'll have to make that change everything.Square Enix -
Best Bandages: Strange Brigade - A unique new adventure, this title sees you in 1930s Africa fighting off hordes of undead mummies, with a tongue in cheek old-timey narrator shrieking 'good golly!' as your team blasts the undead in their crumbly skulls.Rebellion -
Best Mobile: South Park: Phone Destroyer - Cartman calling you on FaceTime? He'll be blowing up your phone when the hilarious-looking 'cowboys v wizards v pigeons' game comes out this year.Ubisoft -
Game changer: Skyrim on Nintendo Switch - The Switch gets more exciting by the day as new loads of new games were revealed for it at its first E3. The remake we can't wait for? Skyrim given the Switch treatment. You'll never put it down.Bethesda -
Hottest character: Far Cry 5 - Taking the bad boy thing to a ridiculous level, Joseph Seed, the Eden’s Gate preacher and doomsday cult leader from Far Cry 5 is dangerous but we cant help it: he’s got that hot hipster thing DOWN.Ubisoft -
Best accessory: Cappy, Super Mario Odyssey- In Super Mario Odyssey, Mario can fling his adorable cap at pretty much anything and possess it. Kind of horrifying? Sure. But when you see him control a T. Rex, you'll realise you never needed anything more.Nintendo -
Good Boy: Boomer, Far Cry 5 - Far Cry 5 introduces the 'Guns For Hire' feature, where a character will help you on your mission. One of which is Boomer - a dog who will not only attack enemies but is also up for petting whenever you need some doggo love.Ubisoft -
Hottest Wheels: Forza Motorsport 7 – This looks as high quality as ever. When it was revealed for the first time at E3, the game made history by being the first time a new IRL Porsche was revealed in person *and* in game. A car nerd's dream.Microsoft -
Fan favourite: Beyond Good And Evil 2 - The biggest surprise of E3 2017, space adventure Beyond Good And Evil 2, a sequel to the beloved 2003 game, was revealed by Ubisoft - and fans could. not. Cope. Watch the CG trailer and feel the hype for yourself.Ubisoft -
Best Console: Xbox One X - Aside from a ton of new game announcements, E3 2017 treated us to a WHOLE NEW XBOX too. The Xbox One X is the most powerful console ever, and will make your games look even more gorge in true 4K.Microsoft -
Best Pirates: Skull & Bones - There's stiff competition in this category from the LOLsy Sea of Thieves, but this from the team who made Assassin’s Creed Black Flag has us SO HYPED to form a pirate crew with our mates in 5 v 5 nautical, canon-y combat.Ubisoft -
Best VR: Transference - The super creepy, trippy AF new brain-splanting VR puzzle game was unveiled for the first time at E3. It’s made with Elijah Wood's production company, and he will freak you the f*ck out.Ubisoft -
Game Of E3 2017: Super Mario Odyssey - Mario lands in a city and dayum is it great! With new techniques, old-school platform deliciousness and Mario now able to take control of a mother flippin T-Rex, if that ain't entertainment I don't know what is.Nintendo
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