The Real Slim Shady

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're going to have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door
Started whoopin' her ass worse than before, they first get divorced
Throwing her over furniture
It's the return of the "Oh wait, no way, your kidding,
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr Dre said
Nothing you idiots Dr Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha)
Feminist women love Eminem,
Chicka chicka chicka Slim Shady I'm sick of him
Look at him, walking around grabbing his you know what
Flippin' the you know who "yeah, but he's so cute though"
Yea I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse than what's going on in your parent's bedrooms
Sometimes I want to get on TV and just let loose, but can't,
But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips
And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a women's clitoris is.
Of course they gonna know what
Intercourse is, by the time they hit 4th grade,
They got the discovery channel don't they?
We ain't nothing but mammals,
Well some of us cannibals, who cut other people open like cantaloupes.
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote.
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the and it goes

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up,
Please stand up,
Please stand up
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up,
Please stand up,
Please stand up

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records
Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too.
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me.
"But Slim what if you win wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here?
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears.
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first.
Little bitch put me on blast on M-T-V
"Yeah he's cute but I think he's married to Kim, he he"
I should download her audio on mp3
And show the whole world how you gave Eminem V.D.
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups all you do is annoy me
So I've been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me,
Who just don't give a fuck like me, who dress like me
Walk, talk and act like me, it just might be the next best thing,
But not quite me

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up,
Please stand up,
Please stand up
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up,
Please stand up,
Please stand up

I'm like a head trip to listen to
'Cause I'm only giving you, things you joke about with your friends
Inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all
And I don't gotta be false or sugar coat it at all
I just get on the mic and spit it,
And whether you like to admit it (rip)
I just shit it better than 90 percent of you rappers out there
Then you wonder how can kids eat up
These albums like Valiums, it's funny
'Cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty
I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting.
Pinching nurses asses when I'm jackin' off with Jergens
And I'm jerking, but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
And every single person is a Slim Shady
Lurkin' he could be workin' at Burger King
Spitten on your onion rings
Or in the parking lot circling,
Screaming I don't give a fuck with his windows down and system up
So will the real Shady, please stand up
And put one of those fingers on each hand up
And to be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up,
Please stand up,
Please stand up
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up,
Please stand up,
Please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up,
Please stand up,
Please stand up
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up,
Please stand up,
Please stand up

Haha, I guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us,
Fuck it,
Let's all stand up