Do You See Christian Grey's Peen In Fifty Shades Darker? SPOILERS
THE PEOPLE NEED ANSWERS.
After Fifty Shades of Grey, there were a few questions we had: how does Ana afford such a sweet apartment? How awks was this thing to make? And crucially, WHERE THE PEEN AT?
I mean, we've seen boobies, chains and even Christian Grey’s love eggs. Not a euphemism.
But still there was no peen.
We’re talking full frontal to rival Ben Affleck in Gone Girl. If it's good enough for Batman, it's good enough for your bog-standard, non-crime fighting jacked-up billionaire.
Surely Fifty Shades Darker was the next movie to enter the dick-flick hall of fame?
Now the sequel has hit cinemas and our One Big Question has been answered. Did Grey send n00dz this time?
Sorry guys. We can confirm Darker is a sausage-free zone.
However, we can confirm there's lots of SEXY BITS in Fifty Shades Darker. In fact, there’s way more than in the first film. And a lot of nips. These sexy bits include but are not limited to:
Doing it in a swanky apartment
Doing it in a trendy apartment with exposed brickwork (srsly how does Ana afford this crib?)
Doing it in the shower
Doing it sideways
Doing it missionary
Doing it doggy style
Doing it at a charity ball
Doing it while making a stir fry
Doing it in stirrups
Doing it at sea
Doing it blindfolded
Doing it under a Chronicles of Riddick poster in Christian Grey’s bedroom
So while there’s no peen, we can confirm there’s lots of DOING IT in the hotly-anticipated sequel. Guess we’ll just have to wait for the third Fifty Shades movie for Christian Grey to bare all.
On a completely unrelated note, Gone Girl is available on Netflix now. BRB.