The 11 Types Of People You Only Ever Come Across At The Gym
Noobs, sweaty posers and grunters included.
As anyone who has ever set foot on a gym floor will know, they are a strange and mystical place filled with the type of people you will never see in any other place in life.
From The Grunters to The Careers, these are the 11 types of people you're guaranteed to see if you do dare step outside the changing room...
Easily recognised by slightly hesitant expression and brand new squeaky clean trainers. Usually clad in old t-shirt and leggings combo, as not yet committed enough to buy actual gymwear. Looks at equipment in the same way someone with a mild fear of dogs would eye an approaching Schnauzer.
Sticks strictly to cardio: treadmill, bikes and cross trainer. Might attempt rowing machine if feeling particularly ambitious. Spotted one? Give ‘em a thumbs up, make them feel welcome. We were all a Noob once.
Probably planted by some evil genius to make everyone else feel bad. The enthusiast completes every rep with an unending supply of pep, and appears to relish every drop of sweat that drips from their eager brow onto the machines.
Does not suffer from what we like to call ‘tomato face’ (you know it), and manages to smile while bouncing out of the gym, rather than dragging self across floor like the rest of us.
The Class King/Queen
A regular at ALL of the classes, this is the gym version of a teacher’s pet. The Class Queen or King can always be found right at the front, knows all the moves, greets every instructor by name, and essentially is keener than the keenest of beans.
Makes everyone skulking at the back feel like a sack of uncoordinated potatoes.
A select group - usually men - who enjoy the mirrors a little TOO much, y’know? Resting time? Nah - flexing time, babes.
The most dedicated of this species will not only admire their freshly pumped biceps, but also take a ‘gym selfie’, so that their lucky, LUCKY social media friends can also bask in the glory. Hashtag nopainnogain hashtag thatgymlyf hashtag legday.
Those who provide a soundtrack to their workout – usually a variety of grunts, huge exhales, and some vaguely inhuman sounds.
Can be quite a fun addition to your favourite work out tracks, if you manage to sync up each ‘grrraaaaahhhhh’ with the beat.
Sort of like The Hunger Games except not, because they don’t want to kill you - at least unless you forget to re-rack your weights - the careers appear to spend every waking hour in the gym and use every machine, every time.
Every gym has at least one – the girl/guy who looks like they’ve already been there for hours when you arrive, and show no sign of leaving any time soon as you wobble out the door in a pool of sweat.
Two treadmills next to each other is all this breed need for a fun, social session involving nothing more strenuous than a bit of light walking with a large side order of chatting. Kudos.
We refer, of course, to those who have hired personal trainers. Easy to spot – they’re the ones who look like they want to die to escape the pain, and are wondering how on earth they live in a world where they are paying for this shit.
Slightly older men who have let their fitness levels slide over the past few years. Tend to prefer the machines that involve sitting down - think rowing, bikes, that weird twisty ab one you only ever see non-career gymmists use. ALWAYS wear grey t-shirts for some reason, and are REALLY super in to stretching before and after a workout, often fairly ostentatiously.
Added accessory = towel draped around neck in v. Sylvester Stallone circa ‘Rocky’ type way.
Yes, the ‘gym daters’ – because couples who workout together....?
Bonus points if they’re wearing matching outfits. OH YOU GUYS YOU’RE SO KEWT.
Just trying to get on with it, because jesus christ the GUILT when that direct debit goes out every month and you realise you’ve been a total of 3 times in the past 4 weeks.
- By Lizzie Cox.
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