The Geordie Shore Guide To Having A Mint Christmas
Alreet, Christmas lovers?
It's been one heck of a year and you are going to have a bangin' festive period, we can just feel it. IF you follow our Geordie Shore tips for making sure your Christmas is more on it than vomit, that is.
Although there may be a little vomit on the way TBH. Kee mon, we're taking our tips from the Geordies here.
If you're anything like us, you'll have done all your shopping by October and have it smugly wrapped in matching paper with gift cards and dinky little bows by the time you open the first door of your advent calender.
Only joking! We'll be running around the Metro Centre on Christmas Eve, shoving actual children out of the way in our desperation to get our mitts on the last Lynx Africa set for annoying cousin Oliver.
But don't panic. Remember that the best Christmas present for everyone from your granny to your bucking partner of the moment is your presence.
Need some extra cash for all those gifts? Or maybe just to fund your new party outfits and the mid-week/lunchtime/morning boozing that the festive period makes 100% acceptable.
Try regaling your neighbours with this joyful little ditto.
They'll be throwing money at you in no time. Quite literally.
Eggnog, advocaat, sherry and port. Mulled wine, mulled cider and mull whatever you can find in the house. Christmas comes with its own special drinks and with a special guarantee that you can drink whatever you like, behave like Santa's little helper, and have zero hangover the next day.
Have you ever had a port hangover? You don't ever want one, trust us on this.
'Tis better to give than to receive, it has been said. But we once heard someone say that Ed Sheeran is a worldie so you can't believe everything that you hear.
If someone gives you a gift that is not quite what you'd hoped, imagine that you are the queen and except it graciously. And ask for the receipt the next day, so you can change it for something half-decent.
There is something about mistletoe that gives everyone a bit of the horn.
And snogging under a sprig of this poisonous plant gives you licence to snog absolutely whoever you like with no consequences to face whatsoever.
And if you believe that, it's time to step away from the eggnog.
Whether you celebrate with turkey or tofu, Christmas dinner is a time to sit down with your nearest and dearest and bite your flaming tongue for 60 minutes. It is not the time to bring up the story of how Aunty Charlotte wet the bed or Uncle Gary broke the hearts and hymens of every one of your friends. Suck it up, and smile as if you're the Angel Gabriel. No-one wants tears in their tofurkey.
The big guy with the bulging sacks
Now, this may come as a shock, but some people reckon that Father Christmas does not exist.
But do you know who doesn't believe in Santa?
Merry Christmas, everyone! Love from all of us here at MTV.
- By Georgina Terry