8 Foolproof Ways To Shake Off Those Post-Glastonbury Blues
Apart from the fact that you no longer have to break your thighs hovering above a very visible (and overpoweringly smelly) pit of human faeces whenever you need the loo, returning home after Glastonbury Festival is not the one.
Left with nothing but a croak for a voice and sad traces of glitter remains in your hairline, your mood is low and all you can think about is how much better life was at Glasto. Luckily, we’re here to help you get through this very tough time. Here are 8 alternative ways to get over Glasto blues and start enjoying life again.
1. Spend more time in the toilet
Drink lots of water (you’ll need it after all the festival-induced dehydration anyway) in order to take frequent trips to the toilet. Enjoy the feel of the squeaky clean toilet seat on your behind and deeply inhale the fragrant air all around you. Now wash your hands with rose-smelling soap, and dry them at length on a fluffy towel.
As the aforementioned toilet situation is probably Glasto’s biggest weakness, frequent and mindful toilet use should be one of your main focuses this week.
2. It's not over until you say it's over
Set the tent up in your garden/ driveway, pour the contents of your waste bin around it, play BBC Iplayer’s Glasto best bits on your laptop and pretend you’re in your happy place for a couple more days.
In all likelihood you’ll start getting over it all once you realise how weird you’re being.
Dwelling in the past isn’t good for your mental wellbeing. To fix this you should fill your time with planning extensively for future events that you’re looking forward to, i.e. your next Glastonbury festival. It may even be one, maybe two years away, but think how prepared you’ll be whenever the time comes.
Plan your outfits, make your own mock-up of the next programme, and don’t forget to write to Michael Eavis to ask for monthly updates on how everything is coming along. These positive, forward-thinking tasks are perfect ways to occupy your time now that you have no live music acts to go to.
Remember when someone stood on your foot during Ed Sheeran? Yeah, that really f**king hurt. And what about that time when someone tripped over your tent in the middle of the night and sent a weird jolt through your body as you were trying to get to sleep? Uncomfortable.
To be honest, Glastonbury was an ordeal. Try and think about all the small things that went wrong and you’ll realise your life is much better without… kind of…
5. Become your new pen pal
Write a letter to yourself to explain why you are feeling the way you are feeling in full detail, and reassure yourself that with time these feelings will pass. Breaking all your emotions down will make them a lot more manageable as you continue to cope with survival this week.
6. Throw yourself a party
Treat yourself – sign into UberEATS and order yourself a big pizza with all the toppings. Make sure to decorate your room, blow up some balloons and don’t forget the cake. Throwing yourself a party will make you feel special and appreciated as well as providing a happy medium between the huge prolonged party that Glastonbury was and the complete non-party that life is.
Going from everything to nothing is too much for anyone to handle.
7. Get artistic
If you’ve got a few spare minutes (and you almost definitely do) why not invest in a sketchpad and and draw your metaphorical pain using black charcoal to represent the depth of your despair?
It might be messy and pointless, but it’s a good way to distract yourself for now.
8. Let yourself grieve
Glasto may have made your life but it’s time to accept that it’s over. Now to pop on Me Before You and cry your eyes out for one hour and forty-six minutes. That should do it.
Unfortunately there’s no magic cure for post-Glastonbury blues, but hopefully these alternative treatments will at least start you off on your journey towards a full recovery.
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