In The Least Surprising News Ever, Putting Glitter Up Your Vagina Is A Bad Idea
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It might be a truth universally acknowledged that everything is better with sparkles, but you might want to think twice next time you consider shoving a handful of glitter up your vagina, as according to doctors this is quite a bad idea.
Yeah - we know - DUH.
In all seriousness, however, doctors have had to have a few words this week after a rather strange new beauty trend hit Instagram. The trend, dear reader, is for glitter capsules, which are essentially meant to be inserted into the vagina where they apparently dissolve 'naturally', releasing their contents. Presumably to make glitter flow freely from your nether regions when the time comes to get sexy.
According to the FAQs for the online retailer selling this 'Passion Dust' - which, may we add, is currently sold out as people have gone mad for it - the purpose of the capsules is apparently 'to add a sparkle and flavour to your natural vaginal fluids to make the experience of lovemaking that much more fun and enjoyable for you and your partner'.
But while glitter everything is pretty fashionable right now, putting these up your lady parts is unsurprisingly a pretty bad idea. Because as anyone who's ever had a yeast infection will know, vaginas are pretty sensitive places that should be left as much alone as possible in case you upset its natural pH balance.
As heroic and hilarious gynaecologist Dr Jen Gunter says in her blog post titled 'Don't glitter bomb your vagina,' using these bad boys is pretty much asking for trouble downstairs.
"Given all the pussyfooting around the ingredients it is hard to offer specific advice (beyond don't use it), but I will do my best because I know you all want to know," she writes. "Could the plastic be a nidus for bacteria? Sure. I've seen a nasty inflammatory vaginal discharge from sand so this could be a similar set up. Might the little flakes of plastic produce vaginal wall granulomas ? (A granuloma is walled off inflammatory mass produced by tissue in response to a foreign body). They could.
"If it isn't plastic and it's sugar, well, depositing sugar in the vagina lets the bad bacteria go wild. Studies looking at treating bacteria vaginitis with vaginas probiotics were halted because the glucose keeping the probiotics alive made the bad bacteria go wild. Could the vehicle be an irritant and cause a vaginal contact dermatitis? Yes and ouch.
"She concludes: "Think vaginal sunburn! Is it possible the goo might damage the good vaginal bacteria leading to infections as well as in increased risk of STIs? You bet. Given how tacky it looks it is unlikely an intimate lubricant (or a safe one anyway).
"What impact will this have on vaginal pH? Unknown."
So yeah, maybe keep the gitter to your makeup and let your vajay do its thing sans sparkles. As far as we're concerned it's pretty bodacious anyway, and if you need glitter to make sex more interesting, it might be time to consider why that is.