Holly Hagan: 'I Wish I Hadn’t Been So Easy'
"I relished being a s**g," admits the Geordie Shore star in a revealing extract from her biography, Not Quite A Geordie...
After a few complicated relationships with the boys in the house, she returned to the Toon with an empowering and feisty new attitude that matched her banging new look.
But in a moving extract from her new book Not Quite A Geordie, released by the Daily Mail, Holly has revealed that she regrets being so boy crazy in her early teens.
Recounting her first time, Holly confesses that she lost her virginity at just 14-years-old - and it wasn't the most romantic experience.
"After my first date, he took me for a stroll round the back of the cinema," she writes. "I kind of knew what was coming, because who the f**k takes a stroll round the back of a cinema? It was like a big dirty industrial estate. Hardly a local beauty spot.
"We started kissing and yeah, I guess I was ready to get rid of my ‘virgin’ label.
"We did the deed to the sound of busy dual carriage way traffic, and I could think was, ‘Oh, is this it then?’
"Any woman who tells you losing her virginity is enjoyable is lying. It’s not enjoyable in the slightest. I’ve yet to meet a girl who says it was a mind-blowing experience.
"Mine was cold, wet, painful and on a disused car park behind a cinema. Not really the romantic, candles, flowers, silk sheets set-up most would hope for, was it?"
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Holly goes on to reveal that she spent her teenage years being a bit boy crazy - and at the time she loved it. But looking back has made her think differently.
"By the time I was 16, I’d had my fair share of lads in the sack, which I wish wasn’t the case," she continues.
"This is awful to admit, but I used to be proud of how many people I’d slept with. I relished being a s**g. I would play up to it.
"I wish I hadn’t been so easy all my life, but I think it goes back to some deep rooted confidence issues and the way I lost my virginity.
"This is awful to admit, but I used to be proud of how many people I’d slept with. I relished being a s**g. I would play up to it and love getting called a s**t.
"I kind of felt if I admitted my flaws up front then those words wouldn’t hurt me. If someone ever said it to me I would just shrug and say, 'Yeah, so what if I’m a s**g at least I admit it.'
"I knew boys didn’t like it... They never want to be in a relationship with me. If I’m completely honest, it’s only in the past year I’ve been able to get out of that mind set. I used to think if I slept with a guy he would like me and then maybe want to be with me.
"I was using sex as a way to lure them and get some one-on-one time. I didn’t realise putting out on the first night was the wrong way to go about getting a boy to like you."
Holly was just 18 when she joined the cast of Geordie Shore, but fame came with its own problems. She found herself hugely upset when X Factor contestant Frankie Cocozza spoke about their night together on live TV.
"Frankie was giving an interview on The Xtra Factor to Caroline Flack and Olly Murs. They brought out a board which had the photos of us kissing on the front," Holly explains.
"Caroline asked him in a playful manner: 'So what’s the truth behind the story?' Frankie replied by saying: 'I met her, I banged her,' with a shrug.
"My mam had been sat there with my little sister Darci and was absolutely devastated when she heard him disrespect me live on TV for millions of viewers to see.
"I couldn’t believe he had let me down like that. I can take the abuse, I wasn’t bothered about how he’d made me look. But I was furious with him for upsetting my mam."
Geordie Shore returns to MTV on Tuesday 28th October at 10pm. Not Quite A Geordie will be will be released on Thursday 2nd October.