"I Was Looking For Attention" Holly Hagan Talks Lads, Love & Weight Loss
The Geordie Shore star speaks about her journey towards self confidence…
We've always thought of Holly Hagan as an outgoing, confident lass.
But behind her bubbly persona on Geordie Shore, it turns out she's been hiding who she really is.
Speaking exclusively to MTV, Holly revealed she has regrets when she looks back on some of her promiscuous antics during the first few seasons of the show.
"When I started the show when I was 18, I had genuinely convinced myself that I was this confident, outgoing person who loved herself. She didn't care what people thought.
"However, when it actually came down to it, I'd convinced myself that much that I didn't realise I was the complete opposite. I was actually really shy.
"I was put in this house with these people who had such bigger personalities than me, and I found it really difficult."
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Holly went on to reveal that she had to work hard to build herself back in to a person she was happy with.
"I didn't know myself, I didn't know who I was," she explained. "And when I saw myself on telly, that's when I knew I did need to make a change. I'd been looking at myself through rose tinted glasses.
"All of a sudden this person was just kind of stripped away. This confidence had gone. This person who once loved herself had disappeared and I had to start from the beginning and build that back up again."
Holly sometimes took her behaviour to extremes - and on national television. But while she was perfectly happy to have fun, looking back now, she wishes she'd done things a bit differently.
"It is sad," she continued. "I was quite happy being that bigger girl. I was quite happy acting the way that I did. But I look back and I wish someone had told me when I was 18 the things that I know now. A lot of the things that I've done on that show, I can now turn round and say, 'No, I'm not proud of them.'
"Sex was just sex to me and I didn't care about it. At one point I was just looking for love. I was looking to be wanted and I was looking for that attention. But now I've realised that you don't get that unless you have respect for yourself."
Now that she's found that self respect, Holly has also found herself happy in a relationship with her Geordie Shore co-star Kyle Christie. And the irony of it all is that she's learned a huge lesson in her search for love.
"Do you know what I've actually noticed since losing weight? she told us. "Men don't care. Men really do not care. Women do judge… that's the way a woman's mind works. A man's is completely different. They see boobs, bum and face. That is literally it.
"We put so much pressure on ourselves for men, when they do genuinely go for personality and face - if they're mature, then they do!"
Still to come from our exclusive interview this week: Holly discusses the online abuse that spurred her on to get into shape, and how positivity means more to her these days than what the scales say.
Holly's 12 Week Body Bible is available for download on iPad from The App Store. Physical print available from Amazon.com and HollysBodyBible.com. Don't miss her crazy antics in the new season of Geordie Shore - Tuesdays at 10pm only on MTV.