9.9 Problems JAY-Z Won’t Have Headlining V Festival 2017
And no, the b*tch still ain’t one…
Gangsta no live in a tenement yard
Rude boy no live in a tenement yard
Too much watchy, watchy, watchy
Too much su, su, su, su, su
Them chatty, chatty, chatty
Them su, su, su, su, su
Fuck all this pretty Shawn Carter shit nigga, HOV
Shawn was on that gospel shit
I was on the total fuckin' opposite
Shit, stuff a million dollars in the sock drawer
That's a war chest in case you need your chest knocked off
Y'all be talkin' crazy under them IG pictures
So when you get to Hell you tell 'em blanco sent you
I can't take no threats, I got a set of twins
Those were just the words you'll never hear again
For the final time you don't believe these fools
I've never seen a worker rock so many jewels
I've never seen the runner with so many cars
Y'all couldn't stop me, you're not as tough as you say you are
My advice is just don't be too nice to niggas
Just set the price so niggas'll live your live, my nigga
Once upon a time in the projects
Shawn was in flight mode, I bought a Pyrex
I was in fight mode and now it's "fuck me, mijo"
I was movin' them kilos, help you move your peoples
Sometimes you need your ego, gotta remind these fools
Who they effin' with, and we got FN's too
Before we had A&R's, we had AR's too
We the only ones really movin' like y'all say y'all do
We still movin' like y'all niggas say y'all did
Emory passed you niggas and he did a bid
Ty Ty jumped over niggas and he's like 5'6"
Got the heart of a giant, don't you ever forget
Don't you never forget, Jigga got this shit poppin'
I pulled out the pot when we was outta options
Gangsta no live in a tenement yard
Rude boy no live in a tenement yard
Too much watchy, watchy, watchy
Too much su, su, su, su, su
Them chatty, chatty, chatty
Them su, su, su, su, su
Fuck all this pretty Shawn Carter shit nigga, HOV
Put that drum in your ear, don't get Srem'd
I'll Bobby Shmurda anybody you heard of
Niggas could not be further, I fathered your style
Birth of a Nation, Nat Turner style
Uh, y'all make me turn up all this talkin' down
Uh, niggas is skippin' leg day just to run they mouth
I be skippin' leg day, I still run the world
I pressed ahead of your team with one finger curled
I'll line you all up with one finger wave
Make niggas weave, niggas is out here fake
Laced front to the back, don't front
Y'all gonna make me wig, I'ma give y'all what you want
Gangsta no live in a tenement yard
Dreadlocks no live in a tenement yard
Too much watchy, watchy, watchy
Too much su, su, su, su, su
Them chatty, chatty, chatty
Them su, su, su, su, su
Fuck all this pretty Shawn Carter shit nigga, HOV
Can't you see it's my ambition
I'll come to nice up the whole nation
What a bam bam yeah, loud
I miss a what a bam bam (Do it, Jay!)
Can't you see it's my ambition
I'll come to nice up the whole nation
What a bam bam
What a bam bam
I don't give a God damn
I don't give a God damn
When mi come a dance and mi spliff and Guinness
Yow, crowd of people–go and mind yuh business
This a hunting season
Mek I tell you hunting season
Well, I tell ya something season
Yow this a hunting season
Cake and dumpling season
Spinners and dumpling season
Don't play by the king
Love is all I and I bring you know
Voice of the one pon gully banking
Top ranking, keep it skanking
Ooh wee, huh
Hear me now
He may have recently become a father again to twins Rumi and Sir Carter, but when your name is Jay-Z there’s no such thing as paternity leave, especially with his headline slot at this year’s V Festival fast approaching.
So, just in case you were wondering how Jigga is planning to Run This Town at his only European show of 2017 in Chelmsford and Stafford this weekend, here’s 9.9 (see what we did there) problems Hova won’t have when it comes to taking to the Main Stage…
1. He’s got an EPIC back catalogue
One thing Jay-Z won’t be short of on the weekend of 19th - 20th August is hit records, and with a career spanning over 20 years, 100 million records sold and 13 solo albums later, fans can expect hit after hit. From The Blueprint to The Black Album, from Kingdom Come to Magna Carta Holy Grail we’re predicting his set list to be Epic with a capital ‘E’.
2. New music! We repeat, new music!
What every music fan loves at a festival is fresh tunes to get their ears around, and with V Festival set to be the first time Jay-Z has performed his brand new album 4.44 live, we are expecting big things. What with the album’s title track also touching upon THOSE Queen B cheating rumours, it seems like we won’t be disappointed with Jigga’s latest offering.
When I know in my heart
I'm letting you down every day
Letting you down every day
Why do I keep on running away?
Look, I apologize, often womanize
Took for my child to be born, see through a woman's eyes
Took for these natural twins to believe in miracles
Took me too long for this song, I don't deserve you
I harassed you out in Paris
"Please come back to Rome," you make it home
We talked for hours when you were on tour
"Please pick up the phone, pick up the phone!"
I said: "Don't embarrass me," instead of "Be mine"
That was my proposal for us to go steady
That was your 21st birthday
You matured faster than me, I wasn't ready
So I apologize
I seen the innocence leave your eyes
I still mourn this death and
I apologize for all the stillborns cause I wasn't present
Your body wouldn't accept it
I apologize to all the women whom I toyed with your emotions
'Cause I was emotionless
And I apologize 'cause at your best you are love
And because I fall short of what I say I'm all about
Your eyes leave with the soul that your body once housed
And you stare blankly into space
Thinkin' of all the time, you wasted it on all this basic shit
So I apologize
I'm never gonna treat you
I'm never gonna treat you like I should
Ohhhhhh
I apologize, our love was one for the ages and I contained us
And all this ratchet shit and we more expansive
Not meant to cry and die alone in these mansions
Or sleep with our back turned
We supposed to vacay 'til our backs burn
We're supposed to laugh 'til our heart stops
And then meet in a space where the dark stop
And let love light the way
Like the men before me, I cut off my nose to spite my face
I never wanted another woman to know
Something about me that you didn't know
I promised, I cried, I couldn't hold
I suck at love, I think I need a do-over
I will be emotionally available if I invited you over
I stew over, what if you over my shit?
I'm never gonna treat you
I'm never gonna treat you like I should
Ohhhhhh
And if my children knew
I don't even know what I would do
If they ain't look at me the same
I would prob'ly die with all the shame
"You did what with who?"
What good is a ménage à trois when you have a soulmate?
"You risked that for Blue?"
If I wasn't a superhero in your face
My heart breaks for the day I have to explain my mistakes
And the mask goes away
And Santa Claus is fake
And you go online and see
For Blue's tooth, the tooth fairy didn't pay
I'm never gonna treat you like I should
3. Duets by the bucket load
Mr. Shawn Carter’s little black book of duets is brimming with A-List musicians to take to the stage with him. From the likes of Rihanna, Justin Timberlake, Alicia Keys and Pharrell Williams to Eminem, Frank Ocean, Kanye West and of course, his wife Beyoncé, Hov will have his pick IF he decides to bring one of his pals out on stage. Even daughter Blue Ivy could make an appearance. Our fingers are firmly crossed…
4. No expense spared
With an estimated net worth of $810million this year, with only P Diddy beating him on The Forbes Five: Hip-Hop’s Wealthiest Artist list, Jay-Z is bound to put on the show of his life. Cue the bling, pyrotechnics, real gold glitter, diamonds etc…
5. Drawing a crowd
V Festival is the first time Jay-Z has performed in the UK since 2013 so we’re pretty sure fans will be queuing in their thousands to catch a glimpse at the rapper in action. And, with his last UK shows as part of the Magna Carter World Tour selling out in seconds, be sure to grab your spot in the crowd early to avoid being stuck behind a really tall person.
6. Babysitter
While most fathers worry about getting home to their little ones after a long, hard day at the office, Jay won’t have this problem come August! And, while we’re hoping Queen B will make the trip with him to the UK, we’re guessing her mum Tina will step up and make sure Blue, Rumi and Sir Carter are well and truly spoiled while their dad wows the crowds.
7. Glittering guest list
While Bey may have her hands full with Blue Ivy and newborn twins Rumi and Sir Carter, Jigga will have plenty of support in the form of some of his showbiz pals! From the likes of Chris Martin to Drake to even former US president Barack Obama, Jay will have no problem forming an star-studded entourage to represent just in case Queen B doesn’t attend. However, we doubt Kimye will be on the AAA list…
8. The encore
He already has a song called 'Encore', so we’re fully expecting Jigga to do the whole, ‘the show is over’ routine, before returning with an encore to end all encores. We’d fully advise you NOT to disappear to the portaloos before the end of his set.
[Chorus: Jay-Z w/ Kanye voiceover]
Now can I get an encore, do you want more
Cookin raw with the Brooklyn boy
So for one last time I need y'all to roar
Now what the hell are you waitin for
After me, there shall be no more
So for one last time, nigga make some noise
[Verse One]
Who you know fresher than Hov'? Riddle me that
The rest of y'all know where I'm lyrically at
Can't none of y'all mirror me back
Yeah hearin me rap is like hearin G. Rap in his prime
I'm, young H.O., rap's Grateful Dead
Back to take over the globe, now break bread
I'm in, Boeing jets, Global Express
Out the country but the blueberry still connect
On the low but the yacht got a triple deck
But when you Young, what the fuck you expect? Yep, yep
Grand openin, grand closin
God your man Hov' cracked the can open again
Who you gon' find doper than him
with no pen just draw off inspiration
Soon you gon' see you can't replace him
with cheap imitations for THESE GENERATIONS
[Chorus] - 1/2
{What the hell are you waiting forrrr?}
[Verse Two]
{*sighs*} Look what you made me do, look what I made for you
Knew if I paid my dues, how will they pay you
When you first come in the game, they try to play you
Then you drop a couple of hits, look how they wave to you
From Marcy to Madison Square
To the only thing that matters in just a matter of years (yea)
As fate would have it, Jay's status appears
to be at an all-time high,
perfect time to say goodbye
When I come back like Jordan, wearin the 4-5
It ain't to play games witchu
It's to aim at you, probably maim you
If I owe you I'm blowin you to smithereeens
Cocksucker take one for your team
And I need you to remember one thing (one thing)
I came, I saw, I conquered
From record sales, to sold out concerts
So muh'fucker if you want this encore
I need you to scream, 'til your lungs get sore
[Interlude: DJ]
OWWWW! It's star time
This man is MADE! He's KILLIN all y'all jive turkeys
Do y'all want more of the Jigga man?
Well if y'all want more of the Jigga man
Then I need y'all to help me, bring him back to stage
Say Hova, c'mon say it!
HO-VA! HO-VA! Are y'all out there? {*crowd chants "HO-VA! HO-VA!"*}
Are y'all out there? C'mon, louder!
Yeah, now see that's what I'm talkin bout
They love you Jigga - they love you Jigga!
(Jay-Z)
I like the way this one feel
It's so muh'fuckin soulful man!
(Whoaaaaaahhhh, whoahhhhhhhhhhhhh, whoahhhhhhhhhhhhh)
Yeah {*crowd still chanting*} okay
[Verse Three]
So this here is the victory lap
Then I'm lea-vin, that's how you get me back
After a year of them 16's, it's one point two
And that's two point four, and I'm only doin two
You wanted to gain attention new dudes
I can get you BET and TRL too
You wanna be in the public, send your budget
Well fuck it, I ain't budgin!
Young did it to death, you gotta love it
Record companies told me I couldn't cut it
Now look at me, all star-studded
Golf 4 above par like I putted
All cause the shit I uttered, was utterly ridiculous
How sick is this?
You want to bang, send Kanye change, send Just some ducks
Send Hip a grip, then you got' spit
A little somethin like this, WOO!
{What the hell are you waiting forrrr?}
{*piano plays out as crowd cheers loudly*}
9. Style
Now, if you’re going to headline V Festival, you’ve got to be wearing your Sunday best right? Well, thanks to his Rocawear clothing line, Jay is bound to look the part when it comes to stepping out on stage. However, we’re going to guess he’ll go for his trademark gold chain and black T-shirt for the occasion.
9.9. A b*tch definitely ain’t one
Hello?! He’s married to Beyoncé, Queen B, Sasha Fierce, JuJu or whatever the internet is calling her these days. She is the QWEEN.
By Joanne Marsh
Watch highlights from V Festival 2017 LIVE this Saturday and Sunday from 9pm on MTV, MTV Music and MTV Live HD.
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