10 Songs We Wish Were Jokes

It’s April Fools Day! So dig out the whoopee cushion, put the fake spiders in position and stick cling film over the toilet bowl, all in the name of making someone else look a bit of a wally. But sometimes reality is even funnier than parody judging by some of the music released over the years. So let’s take a look at some of the songs that we really wish were jokes and remember the time joined the Cheeky Girls fan club. Oh the shame…

Mr Blobby – Mr Blobby

In the olden days before Deal Or No Deal, Noel Edmonds presented his House Party on BBC One and was one of the most popular beardies in the UK. But it was his sidekick that tried to kill music. The pink and yellow polka dot marshmallow of doom managed to get to NUMBER ONE in the charts with what might be the worst song of all time. A child choir singing the praises of this goggle-eyed idiot with his own warped voice interspersed throughout. Urgh.

Zig & Zag – Them Girls

If you’re old enough to remember The Big Breakfast on Channel 4 then you’ll no doubt remember the two fuzzy hooligans Zig and Zag from the planet Zog. And while they had some genuinely brilliant moments early in the morning, there was no need for a song, was there? They were signed by Simon Cowell (cheers Simon) and reached number five in 1995 with the dance track Them Girls, complete with excruciatingly poor Jamaican accents.

Jedward Feat. Vanilla Ice – Under Pressure (Ice Ice Baby)

To be fair, we could have put Vanilla Ice in on his own for this one but it seemed only right to go the whole way and nominate the Jedward version as well. The gravity-defying hairstyles and sheer obliviousness to the world around them is enough to think Jedward are a well-constructed satire of pop culture – but they’re real. Their rendition of Vanilla Ice’s breakthrough (and only) hit not only reached number two in the UK but it has led to Jedward releasing THREE albums. John and Edward are literally unstoppable.

Cartoons – Witch Doctor

Back when Eurodance was the ‘in thing’, it seemed everyone in the world was putting a beat under any old nonsense. One group who did just that were the Danish techno outfit Cartoons. Looking like rockabillies from Mars, the bouncy six-piece released this into the world. No school disco in the late 90s was without it and it even made it to number two in the charts in 1998, but the worst crime of all is the chorus. We warn you now: if you listen to it you will be singing it for the rest of the day.

Crazy Frog – Axel F

The ringtone of a generation and easily the most annoying song on this list, it’s the 3D amphibian who keeps his bits hanging out and making a “barp barp” sound to the theme from Beverly Hills Cop. You’re right, that does sound awful, and it is. Back when people used to text dodgy companies for £5 to receive a ringtone this was the most hilariously brilliant sound on Earth but now it’s as ancient as Stonehenge.

Bob The Builder – Can We Fix It?

The veritable definition of a novelty song. The theme from a kids’ TV show repackaged into a full-on three-minute pop song. Not only did it reach number one in the year 2000 (yes, it wasn’t even a 90s thing) but it led to the chirpy animated builder covering Lou Bega’s Mambo Number Five and Elton John’s Crocodile Rock. And the debut album went gold in the UK. What were we doing at the start of the century?

Las Ketchup – The Ketchup Song

That. Dance. You know it, we know it… but we have no idea what on Earth we’re singing about. We’re pretty sure it’s not about the condiment otherwise the hand-motions would be different, perhaps it’s about having cold hands? All we do know is this Spanish family four-piece sold seven million copies of this song that infected all summer holidays in 2002. We haven’t been able to eat tomato sauce since.

The Cheeky Girls – Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)

The second set of twins in this list after Jedward and also from a talent show, it’s The Cheeky Girls with their how-did-this-actually-get-released song Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum). If you watch the original audition on Popstars: The Rivals it’s hard to believe it was allowed to be broadcast under noise offences, but they went on to reach number two with this song and release two albums. Excuse us while we have a sit down.

Fast Food Rockers – Fast Food Song

In what might be the most unimaginative artist and song naming combo of all time, it’s that rhyme from your childhood brought to life in the cheesiest way possible. Of course nowadays there’s probably rules against promoting fast food to children in such a blatant way, but back in 2003(!) this reached number two in the charts and even led to different versions being written for Halloween and Butlins. We dare you to watch the video all the way through without wanting to cry.