12 Easy Ways To Fool Everyone Into Thinking You Are Winning At Adulting
Involves buying Mason Jars for some lentils you are clearly never going to eat.
Real talk: being an adult is hard.
If we could go back to being 12-years-old when our biggest worry was whether Hang Time would be on after school or not, we'd be there in a flash.
Unfortunately this ageing thing means that's pretty impossible, so it's up to us to come up with a few tips and tricks that will help fool people into thinking you are taking to this adulting thing like a pro.
1. Actually look at the weather
This simple action of looking what the forecast is before you go out in the morning will do wonders to stop you sweating like a pig on the tube / shivering on the bus / getting caught in the torrential rain wearing nothing but flip flops.
2. Put things in jars and arrange them in obvious places in your house
If primetime television and Pinterest has taught us anything it's that grown ups' houses are filled with pretty jars that contain stuff. Whether it's some left over herbs, flour (very Bake Off), flowers or that bag of lentils you once bought on a whim and have absolutely no intention of ever actually using to cook with, shove it in a nice Mason Jar and arrange them around the place in neat lines.
People who come over will be impressed at how adult you are, at least until you confess you can only serve them cheese on toast or Chicago Town frozen pizzas for dinner.
3. Buy several types of tea
Forget learning to cook: if you have even slightly grown up friends who might come over, having a variety of teas in is way more important. And there's just something about being to offer a rooibos or chamomile that sounds damn fancy.
Extra points if you also buy pretty cannisters or jars to display them in, because as we have already learnt, ye olde jars = peak adult.
4. Have some kind of box to keep your important stuff in
Speaking from experience, nothing is less adult than the inevitable panic stricken texts to your friends after a failed house wide hunt for your passport 24 hours before you're due to fly off on holiday.
Stop the fear in its tracks but putting all your important things in one place and actually keeping them there. A particular drawer or a plastic safety deposit box that'll fit ID, health documentation and all that sort of life crap in it is perfect for making you feel like one of those mythical organised human types.
5. Get that STI/smear test
Not the most enjoyable experience of all but SO IMPORTANT. Literally go forth, live in your own filth and eat nothing but chicken nuggets for the rest of time, but do make the effort to be responsible about your sexual health.
You only get one go at life so have safe sex and always make sure you get an STI test between partners, no matter how safe you've been. Just think how mortifying telling that boy or girl you still reaaally fancy that you might've given them crabs will be. Super mortifying, that's how.
6. Buy a couple of different sized screwdrivers and a hammer
Seem pointless but actually majorly useful for all sorts of stuff, be that putting together flat pack furniture, putting nails in the wall so you can actually hang that motivational quote poster you bought or just for fishing out something that fell into the tiny, pointless gap that exists between fridge and floor.
Ditto for buying spare toothbrushes (for overnight guests, ahem), a needle and thread, basic medical products and spare lightbulbs. If you're feeling crazy, give over an entire cupboard to this sort of crap because you'll thank yourself later.
7. Take the rubbish out
We've all played the game of trash Jenga that involves a battle of wills, repeatedly cramming stuff into the bin/recycling until it's a towering mess and one of your housemates gives in and actually takes it outside.
No one likes changing the bin. It's gross. But just fricking do it, for god's sake, and at the very, very least do it when your parents are coming to visit. They will (rightly) judge you for being a major slob if you don't.
8. Say sorry when you've been a dick
Nothing is more adult than learning that sometimes you are in the wrong and admitting that you probably should say sorry for whatever it is you've said or done.
Holding grudges are also pretty tiring, so wash the angst out your hair and make an effort to try to forgive when you can.
9. Have enough money left at the end of the month so that you can still afford to eat something that isn't toast
We've all been there, but sometimes not buying the £200 designer boots is worth it to not to have to face the humiliation that is telling that nice person you're dating that you can't see them until you get paid because you are too poor to leave the house.
10. Don't buy the cheapest toilet paper
Not only is the bleach they use really shitty for the environment but it's scratchy as hell. Your arse (and any guest's arses) will thank you for it.
11. Open your post, listen to your voicemail and look at your bank balance
Even writing that gave us the fear, but honestly, even if you're broke and can't pay that bill, facing up to the reality will help you get things sorted way quicker than if you pretend they don't exist.
12. Remember that no one has a bloody clue what they are doing
Ultimately the only thing you really need to know about being an 'adult' is that no one knows what they are doing, basically ever.
It's all about faking it until you make it and feel confident and comfortable in what you're doing, so embrace the uneasiness, do your best and we guarantee you'll be bossing it in no time.