20 Ways To Spend Valentine’s Day If You’re Single AF
Best day EVER.
Let’s be real, we all resent Valentine’s Day. The 14th of Feb is randomly plucked out of the calendar and designated as a day where couples have to act like they love each other more than usual and splash out on gifts and fancy meals.
And for singletons… well. For singles Valentine’s Day is just a day for all the partnered people of the world to insinuate that they’re having a better time than us. Which isn’t true, anyways. Us singles are having a fantastic time and we have PLENTY of more important things to be getting on with than celebrating Valentine's Day, thnx very much.
But if you guys are stuck for ideas, here’s some inspiration.
1. Go to bed at 5pm
Love-struck couples everywhere will be gearing up for their lavish V-Day date nights when that clock hits 5pm. That’s why, for you, it’s time for bed.
Exercise excessively during the day (or do an all-nighter the night before) to exhaust yourself and hit the hay at 5pm – you’ll never even remember V Day happened, and you certainly won’t be staring at your Insta timeline as those endless smug couple shots pop up.
You’ll still have to see them in the morning though… dick move, guys.
2. Go speed dating
You know what? Why go on one date with your “significant other” when you can go on about fifteen dates with loads of really insignificant others all in one night?! Winning.
Speed dating is also the perfect way to remind yourself that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and convince yourself that you’re just single cos you won’t settle. Plus, if it’s horrible, it will even give you the added bonus of putting you off fancying anyone for at least 24 hours.
3. Babysit/ dogsit/ catsit
Surround yourself with small, innocent and cuddly creatures, so that you’re feeling homely instead of horny. Try babysitting, dogsitting or catsitting this V Day and enjoy the feeling that someone or something needs you.
At least till their parents/ owners come home.
4. Ask everyone you’ve ever matched with on all your dating apps if they want to be your Valentine
Desperate? Absolutely not. It’s a confidence boost for them - you’re just feeling like being a charitable human being tonight.
5. Do something dangerous
Plan an activity that scares the sh*t out of you. The fear that you might be on the precipice of death will purge your brain of all other thoughts. It’s called adrenaline, and it’s the perfect drug for singles on Valentine’s Day. So go bungee jumping, sky diving, cliff jumping… you’ll be able to think of nothing but impending death for a while. Ideal.
P.S. Though obvs use a harness etc.
6. Ask yourself out
It’s time for you to take yourself out for dinner - you’re worth it. And, furthermore, why not go somewhere where cutlery and napkin usages are minimal, or just order a dangly spag bol – being messy isn’t embarrassing if there’s no one you fancy sitting opposite you. So go ahead - let it hang out your mouth, embrace that orange sauce ring around your mouth, and just be a huge sloppy mess with NO repercussions.
Alternatively you could eat in and cook yourself a complicated meal, set up the candles, and seduce yourself to some Marvin Gaye.
It’s gonna be a GREAT night either way, cos you know you’re going back to yours...
7. Escape to the country
Chuck on ya trackies, fetch your wellies from the loft, and get ready for a countryside retreat featuring you and your number 1 fan, you. Buy a train ticket and journey somewhere green to immerse yourself fully in nature and breathe in that fresh country air – you’ll be reminded that life is about more than a silly, commercialised date night.
Plus if you’re lucky you may lose phone signal and you can just fantasize about all those sexy people who are trying desperately to get through to you to ask you to be their Valentine.
Get in line, ppl. I’m busy being a country bumpkin, brb.
8. Try to put on all the clothes you own
THIS IS GOING TO BE SO FUN. Well… it’s going to take up a lot of time, anyway.
9. Spend the day naked
Instead of putting all the clothes you own on, take them all off! Spending lots of time naked is a great way to feel body confident, so go wild and wander around in the nude ALL DAY (maybe only if your house has double glazing… and if your parents aren’t in). Someone’s fabulousss!
10. Organise a treasure hunt for yourself
Leave yourself love notes around the house, just to let you know you’ve been thinking about you. Maybe put a few jokes on there too – you always did find yourself hilarious.
11. SPA DAY
NO EXPLANATION NEEDED CAN I GET AN AMEN LADIES. Thank you.
12. Watch Friends
You’re never alone while watching Friends. Watching episodes where characters’ love lives come crashing down will make for some especially fantastic viewing tonight.
Always suspected you are secretly Ariana Grande? Think Shakespeare ain’t got nothing on you? Now is the time to showcase your talents, get discovered, and land your dream career. No one will ever know if you flop – just go and perform your newest original material alone, and return with the satisfaction that you are a creative genius and no-one can tell you otherwise.
Cos no-one you know was there.
14. Social experiment
Wear something weird or speak in an Aussie accent for a whole day. Record reaction results later. Tell no-one.
15. Get spiritual
Try some meditation or yoga to be at one with your mind and body. You are in perfect sync with the natural world – you are the earth, the sun and the sky. The world is so much bigger than you… what day even is it?
Plus, you’ll be so friggin’ chilled you’ll probably fall asleep at or by 5pm (see point 1).
16. Go out on the lash
Call up your bezzies, apply your most garish lippy/ waviest tee and head out to the clubs and bars that most scream “single and ready to mingle”. OR go the other way and have a friends-only fest where creepers and hook-ups are discouraged.
Either way, no sober or loved-up people allowed.
17. Go out on the lash ON YOUR OWN
OR, if all your friends are in relationships, just go on your own… you can always pick up friends and tagalongs in a bar crawl along the way, if you must.
Going alone will ensure you can drink however much you want, leave whenever you want, dance like no-one’s watching (ish) and avoid all that dumb AF drama – the kind that happens at 2am that ruins your night but is all apparently a big joke the morning afterwards.
Go on… it’ll be a good story…?
18. Learn a new skill
How about learning Spanish? No es problemo. Or maybe you should paint some watercolours (#Picassoizme). If you focus all your time today on learning a new skill, you’ll have no time to think about certain exes or how many of your friends are snuggling up to their other halves right now.
Also, you’re going to be SO glad you were single when you SLAY those future pub quizzes with your inexplicably intricate knowledge of the world map.
19. Online shopping binge
There’s a reason they call it retail therapy. It’s therapeutic af. Yeah, you might not have acquired a new bf/gf, but you’ve acquired ten new pairs of shoes.
And those shoes aren’t gonna cheat on you behind your back… just sayin.
20. Ann Summers
Last but DEFinitely not least, get yourself down to Ann Summers and find out how Valentine’s Day can really shape up nicely when you’re home alone.
Sex toys are by no means just for couples, and they’re just about the best way to get your kicks. You’re the one person who knows what you like most in bed in the world – and you’ve got you all to yourself this eve. LUCKY YOU.
So throw away those silly old notions that Valentine’s Day is a depressing day for singledom. While those in relationships experience V Day let downs and squabble over failed restaurant bookings, your Valentine is putting you first and treating you the way you always wanted to be treated. They even ordered your fave takeaway and knew about your secret sex fetish! No-one’s ever got you like you do.
So enjoy this V Day singletons. Just… maybe stay off those social timelines for a couple of days.
It's time to check out these top Sex Squad moments...
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