The 21 Inevitable Stages Of New Year’s Eve
Aka the most hyped night of the year…
No matter how many New Year’s Eves you’ve lived through, you’ll know that there’s always a certain amount of pressure to make it the BEST. NIGHT. EVER. And, what you’ll also know, is that there are a lot of obstacles that get in the way of that fun.
Here are the 21 inevitable stages of New Year’s Eve that we’ve all been through.
1. Your keenest friend starts a WhatsApp group titled ‘NYE 2k16’ on November 1st.
Everyone knows you have to book club tickets in advance or you’ll never get in ANYWHERE.
2. Approximately half of the WhatsApp group puts it on mute.
Therefore becoming irresponsive to the demands to vote on a location and pay sixteen billion pounds upfront to secure a table.
3. Meanwhile the other half proceeds to argue over EVERYTHING.
“I want to stay in!” “But I want to go to that cute boy’s housep arty!!” Etc. Etc.
4. Someone suggests celebrating abroad.
Until you check the price of flights to Thailand over New Year. Back to the drawing board…
5. Someone suggests renting a cabin with a hot tub.
Until you check the price of said cabins with said hot tubs…
6. The entire conversation is forgotten about until December 21st.
By which point every advanced club package, street party ticket and overpriced cabin in the woods has been snapped up.
7. Of course, someone gets surprised by their S/O with a romantic getaway.
8. And another one of your friends decides they’re going to celebrate family style.
Which is code for staying in and doing nothing, but at least they’ll have Bucks Fizz and nibbles.
9. The rest of you decide you’ll just have to stand outside in the cold to catch a glimpse of some fireworks or queue to get into a club.
At least you’ll be doing SOMETHING.
10. You spend way too much on a new outfit and shoes.
When did sequins get so expensive?
11. And grooming takes all day.
Two days, actually, if you count staying in to shave your legs (or chest hair boys) on December 30th.
12. You start to wonder who you might kiss come midnight.
Apparently your current crush is going out in town tonight too…
13. The pre-drinks are flowing and you and your friends are looking FIERCE.
Half of them may have bailed, but the rest of you are representin’.
14. The taxi into town alone is enough to bankrupt you.
Seriously, double time BEFORE midnight? WTF?!
15. And even your favourite bar is charging for entry.
Though you don’t know how much, because the queue is SO. LONG.
16. You finally get in and there’s an even longer queue for drinks
What’s a gal gotta do to get a cocktail around here?
17. So when you get to the front, you all buy two drinks and a shot each.
Errrrybody in the pub getting’ tipsy.
18. You really are tipsy.
One of your mates is dangerously close to dancing on a table and you would join in if you hadn’t just spotted your crush.
19. Crush leaves the bar, so your entire squad follows.
20. Of course, their mate was at the front of the queue for the next bar, so they’ve swanned right in while you lot are at the back again.
AND IT’S 11.40pm! WHAT IF YOU DON’T MAKE IT INSIDE IN TIME?!
21. It’s midnight, you’re queuing to get into one of the worst bars in town, you’re not getting a smooch, BUT WHO CARES BECAUSE YOUR MATES ARE HERE AND THERE’S FIREWORKS!
HAPPY NEW YEAR, GUYS! Takeout and a cab home, yeah?
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