8 Ways To Avoid Xmas Party Nightmares
Otherwise, it's gonna get messy.
Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat, please put a penny in the McDonalds charity change box cos everyone’s plastered and needs a post-party 99p cheeseburger.
That’s right, along with the cosy fires, present buying and extended family gatherings comes mulled wine, mulled cider and just about any alcohol that lies in the reduced section at Sainsbury’s. Tis the season for Xmas parties, and they’re anything but wholesome.
No matter what Christmas party you are at there are always plenty of opportunities for you to embarrass and disgrace yourself, and we want to help you prevent festive-themed mortification this year. So we have some suggestions about how to avoid Xmas party nightmares.
1. Go with a trusty friend
You know the one who will tell you that pink is NOT your colour and that you’ve been eating too many wotsits to fit into your prom dress? She’s the one you need. Your honest, blunt and sometimes (let’s face it) downright mean bezzie mate who will tell you if you’re being embarrassing, and is not prepared to take any of your sh*t.
Has your skirt ridden up above your knickers? Trusty Friend will yank it down immediately with barely an eye-roll. Are you flirting with someone awful? Trusty Friend will physically haul you across the dance floor away from danger. She may be mean, but Trusty Friend is Trusty for a reason. She’ll keep you safe.
2. Drink slowly
You’ll be the one sipping delicately on your vodka coke, closely monitoring your tipsiness, and checking out the eye candy in advance to avoid all beer-goggle mishaps later on. You’ll also watch everyone else make a fool out of themselves early on and finally have the opportunity to look down upon others from your high horse…
Until later when it all finally kicks in and you start crawling around with fake antlers on your head roaring “Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer” and demanding that people “ride you”. But, remember, they’ve been drunk for ages – they’ll never remember you’re an embarrassment.
We all know that alcohol is trouble. It can make you do and say things that you would NEVER normally do or say. SO if you are a super fun person and can do without then you will deffo very easily avoid all Xmas party nightmares.
Though it probably depends on whether you think getting harassed and force fed shots because you’re not drinking at “CHRISTMAS” is an Xmas party nightmare or not…
4. Go deep or go home
There are certain types of drunk. Now we’re not saying you’re the peeing-your-pants, texting-your-ex kind of drunk… but you probably are, and that’s why you are always getting into nightmare party situations.
You know what kind of drunk never gets in this kind of trouble? The philosophical drunk. That’s right, while you’re flailing around to Single Ladies, the philosophical drunk is on the sofa getting to know people by asking them about their childhood and probably whether or not they are atheist. And, we might add, not chundering everywhere.
So why not watch a film at pres to get you into the philosophical drunk mindset. Something mind-boggling like Inception or thought-provoking like The Truman Show would do it. You may then act like a pretentious d**k, but at least you won’t get it on with Neil from trampolining again.
5. Wear something stupid/weird
You can still do a lot of damage in a crocodile onesie, don’t get us wrong, but at least you will repel all the creepy predators and, as no one can take a fluffy green croc seriously, you’ll keep the drama between you and your ex-best friend at bay.
6. Take a handheld mirror
One of the more common kinds of party disasters (and often one which isn’t given the amount of consideration it deserves) is make-up malfunctions.
You were wearing that bright red lippy to get the Lady Danger sexy Mrs Claus look. Little did you know that within the first hour you became Mrs Hannibal Jaws instead, cos it smudged all around your mouth and you looked like you’d been feasting on meaty flesh.
Not ideal. Take a handheld mirror, cos unless you have your Trusty Friend (see above) with you, plenty of party-goers will neglect to tell you what’s happened to your face. IKR… that’s Christmas spirit for you.
7. Book transport home
Those late night decisions are always the life-breaking, soul destroying ones. So instead of leaving your fate in your future (unsafe) hands, why not book a taxi home for a specific time so that you can be sure you will get back safely and to your own abode?
Of course, you may decide that it’s a clever idea to cancel it later on in the night, but at least you TRIED to be responsible. And what more could anyone ask?!
8. Take a sibling
This one’s a REAL killer: if you have a sibling that loves to tell on you, bring them along. The idea of your parents finding out what you’re really like at parties will put you off doing ANYTHING unsavory.
(Unless all your family members are more wild and have more disgraceful stories than you already, in which case you should probably come alone to avoid your friends finding out and inviting them instead of you next time.)
So there you have it – 8 things you can do to avoid all of those Xmas party mares. Of course, they’re not fool-proof and tbh you’ll probably find some way to make a fool out of yourself even if you take all of the above precautions… but it’s the thought that counts, right?! And Christmas is all about forgiveness anyway… or is that Easter…
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