10 Things Your Heartbroken Friend Needs To Hear
Who doesn't love a shared cry?
There’s not a lot in the world that feels worse than having your heart broken - except for maybe seeing your best friend have their heart broken by somebody instead.
It's an awful situation. You’re left feeling totally useless, devastated for them, desperate to help and probs full of an uncontrollable, vengeful rage towards whoever hurt ‘em.
Once your pal is back in the game, they might wanna check out Courtney Act's advice for first dates...
Even if you know your BFF better than anybody else in the world, it can still feel like you’re saying all of the wrong things. Particularly when you start describing in intricate detail how you wanna track down their ex and slowly feed them to feral wolves.
But there’s really nothing more important than sticking with your BFF when they’re going through a bad breakup, so here’s some help with 10 pearls of wisdom that they probably need to hear from you right now.
1. "You deserve so much better than this."
The worst part about seeing your friend going through a split is the fact that their self confidence has inevitably plummeted, and we bet you a fiver that they reckon their ex is the best thing that ever happened to them.
They won’t believe you if you dismiss it and say they can do better, so instead it's your 9-5 day job to remind them on a regular basis that they’re a flawless, kind, wonderful, selfless queen.
Anyone who treats them anything less than perfect is just not acceptable, tbh.
2. "This is not a reflection on you in any way."
The fact of the matter is that a lot of the time, if someone wants to dump you, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. It's their decision.
Especially if there’s gross cheating involved, it says a lot more about them and their own frame of mind than it does about you.
Remind your pal that this is not because they’re lacking or falling short of being a total babe in any way - personality, beauty, body shape or anything else. They don’t need to change a single thing for anybody, EVER.
3. "This hurts so much, but I promise it's not forever."
Yep, right now it feels as though their ex has pulled their very heart out, shoved it in a blender and turned it into a delicious breakfast smoothie.
For a long, LONG time the emotion feels horribly raw and painful, so your mate will cry so many snotty tears on your shoulder that you might have to chuck your shirt away.
Remind them that, like every other rubbish experience you’ve faced together, this too shall pass.
One day, it will feel half a percent less terrible. A long way down the line, they'll be going to bed without having cried once all day. And then they''ll go a week without crying about it. And then they'll realise that actually, it's all okay again.
4. "Let yourself feel everything you need to feel."
There is no shame in admitting that you feel all new levels of sad and alone. Tell them that everything they’re feeling right now is valid and real and important. They should acknowledge it all, rather than pretend it isn’t happening.
Everything from denial to anger to slightly crazy temporary obsession are all natural, normal reactions to losing someone that you cared about. If they allow themselves to feel all the feels, they'll grow from it.
5. "Time is the greatest healer."
Healing is something that cannot be rushed, so make sure they know that they can take all of the time they need to piece themselves back together in a safe and supportive environment.
Nothing really helps to mend a broken heart more than the passing of time. Promise them that, while the first few days/months/weeks will basically be total crap on a stick, life still goes on around you and bit by tiny bit, things will start to seem a little brighter.
6. "I'm here for you whenever you need me."
Reassure them that while douchebagface may have bowed out of this one, you are not going anywhere. They’ve probably been left feeling insecure, abandoned and uncertain of what trust really even is anymore.
Luckily, this one’s pretty nice for you to do. Make solid plans together, be available at all hours to have the same conversation over and over, stick by them while they figure out what the next step is. Prove that you’re here for the long run.
7. "Let's make some positive changes together."
It’s your task to persuade them that the drastic platinum bleach blonde bob makeover haircut probably isn't a good idea right now, but some other lifestyle changes might be a step in the right direction.
Without a relationship in the mix, their new life might have some gaps that need filling in. How about suggesting gym classes together, regular walks in the fresh air together, or starting a new hobby together?
Help them to avoid the self destructive choices by breaking bad habits and instead bringing in something new and positive to share.
8. "Whatever you decide to do, I'll support you."
While that last one's all very well and good, it’s literally inevitable that some errr… bad decisions will be made. Really, REALLT bad decisions. It's just part of the process.
Grabbing the tequila and going dancing? Stick by their side and hold their hair back. Straight back on the dating game? Ask if they're really ready for this. Declaring celibacy and a future dedicated to rescuing puppies and rejecting human companionship? Tell them it’s a reasonable life choice. Genuine support is everything.
9. "You shouldn't be 'over it by now."
Comfort them with the fact that there's no right way to feel about a breakup and there's no right time to be okay again. Some people move on quickly, some take years to recover from a bad split.
The end of a long term relationship can literally feel like grieving for someone, so it’s perfectly okay and valid to treat it like you’re in mourning.
Even if it's months and months later and you start ugly crying all over again when you thought you were over it. That's totally okay. It's a journey.
10. "Let's get pizza and duvets and get through this together."
And last but not least, always always always this one. Because, let's be honest, pizza makes everything better.
Words by Lucy Wood