Why You Shouldn't Give A F**k If You're Single This Christmas
Here's our foolproof guide to basking in your singledom this season.
‘Tis the season of getting whacked in the face by handbags in Oxford Street and consuming half your body weight in bloaty dinners. ‘Tis also the season of Mariah Carey, flirting at Winter Wonderland, and cuddling up in front of Love Actually. There’s just one problem – you’re single AF.
Check out what Courtney Act has to say about open relationships...
Yep, while everyone else seems to be out in glittery eyeliner with their ‘other half’, you’re home alone sneezing snot everywhere.
But you know what? We’re channelling not giving a solitary f**k about flying solo this Xmas. And in case you’re not feeling overly confident about how to channel that yourselves, here’s our foolproof guide:
It's beginning to look a lot like dreadlocks
You’ve always wanted to know what would actually happen if you didn’t wash your hair for a month, so why not try developing dreadlocks, or dye your hair a very abnormal colour? This is the ULTIMATE time to experiment. Think about it.
Make a list and check it twice
It may feel like all your friends are in relationships, but that’s why we have social media – research. We can find out who’s been out where recently, who’s in cute relationships, and, most importantly, who’s not…
Make a list of the singles you find. Meet: your Christmas friends.
Have yourself a merry little speed date
Go speed dating this Christmas and realise how many more fish there are in the sea. Even if it just makes you realise how many of them you don’t want.
Hurry down the pub crawl tonight
Singletons have been and always will be some of the best partyers in this world. That’s just a fact.
Attend all the Christmas-themed club nights with your new Xmas friends in sexy Santa costumes, or in full elf onesies, depending on the vibe. Young, wild, and attention-seeking, that’s the angle.
All you want for Christmas is you
Tell yourself how amazing you are and how you’re so glad you found you. Take hot baths, eat chocolate and gaze lovingly at your turkey belly.
The most important relationship you will EVER have is the one you have with yourself, so put some time into loving yourself up this season. You deserve it.
Remember this Christmas they’ll give you their hearts but the very next day…
Not to be bitter or anything, but, statistically, most relationships don’t work out in the end. I mean, if we all have three exes on average, then that’s just maths.
It’s easy to be with someone around Xmas time when you need extra body heat to keep you warm, but at summer when everyone’s half naked on their ‘lad’ holidays in Malta, they’ll probably be singing a different tune. True love? True schmlove.
Totally not bitter.
O come, all ye Snoop Dog fans
All I want for Christmas is you? Gimme a break. Now’s the time to crack out the less conventional tunes that have nothing to do with human relationships, or really anything at all.
Try ‘F**k Christmas’ by Eric Idle if you’re feeling particularly angry, or Snoop Dogg and Friends’ ‘Santa Claus Goes Straight To The Ghetto’ if you’re feeling particularly hip-hop. Or how about ‘I Want An Alien For Christmas’ by Fountains of Wayne? It’s the Mariah equivalent, and it makes so much sense.
It's the most wonderful time of year... to buy a pet
Drastic? Nope. Dogs don’t cheat on you.
Merry Halloween everyone
Why let society control what you celebrate when? Celebrate a different national holiday season - an occasion which has better make-up opportunities. Yep, you’re totally independent, with sass by the sack-load, so this Christmas you’re celebrating Halloween like it’s October.
And Halloween is about as unromantic as it gets.
I'm dreaming of a zen Christmas
Go on a yoga retreat. You’ll be so zen and at one with your entire body that there’ll be no room for any other relationships other than between you, yourself, and you.
Those post-yoga endorphins are also JUST what the doctor ordered.
Some people can't be home for Christmas
There are other ways to get that warm fuzzy feeling that this whole ‘love’ malarkey supposedly makes you feel. Helping someone else out at the local soup kitchen or by simple donations will make you feel all toasty inside.
Yaas Christmaas! Click here to find out all the things you could do to make a difference this season.
Go forth and be fabulous, singles!
21 Empowering Quotes From Strong AF Women
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