Skip to main content
  • News
    • MTV News
    • Trending News
    • Videos & Interviews
    • Taylor Swift
    • Kim Kardashian
  • Music
    • Music Highlights
    • Music Videos
    • Charts
    • Playlists
    • EMAs
    • MTV PUSH
    • Artists
  • Shows
    • Latest Shows
    • The Charlotte Show
    • Geordie Shore
    • Ex on the Beach
    • Just Tattoo Of Us
    • Teen Mom UK
    • The Royal World
  • Movies
    • Movies Highlights
    • New Movies Coming Soon
    • Videos & Interviews
    • Trailers
    • Moana
  • Travel
    • Videos
  • Style
  • Life
    • Life
    • MTV Breaks
    • Sex
    • WTF
    • SRS
    • Travel
    • Fitness
    • Generation Change
  • Pictures
  • Win
  • MTV Play
  • TV Guide
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Search
  • Pictures
  • Win
  • MTV Play
  • TV Guide
Home
  • News
    • MTV News
    • Trending News
    • Videos & Interviews
    • Taylor Swift
    • Kim Kardashian
  • Music
    • Music Highlights
    • Music Videos
    • Charts
    • Playlists
    • EMAs
    • MTV PUSH
    • Artists
  • Shows
    • Latest Shows
    • The Charlotte Show
    • Geordie Shore
    • Ex on the Beach
    • Just Tattoo Of Us
    • Teen Mom UK
    • The Royal World
  • Movies
    • Movies Highlights
    • New Movies Coming Soon
    • Videos & Interviews
    • Trailers
    • Moana
  • Travel
    • Videos
  • Style
  • Life
    • Life
    • MTV Breaks
    • Sex
    • WTF
    • SRS
    • Travel
    • Fitness
    • Generation Change
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Search

Life

  • Main
  • Videos
  • Pictures
  • News

How You Can Support Someone With Anxiety

And what to NEVER say...

Caroline Fergusson
  • Share to Facebook
  • Tweet to Twitter
  • Share to Google plus
Thursday, July 19, 2018 - 17:22

Anxiety can be a horrible thing to experience, made all the worse by finding it difficult to convey to another person how to help or what it really feels like. Because when you can't see something, it's not always easy to empathise. 

And as much as we all talk about how hard it is to have anxiety, it can also be really tricky to know how to help with a loved one: what to do and what not to say. So we asked Alex Hedger, a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist and Clinical Director at Dynamic You, to give us tips on how to help someone who has anxiety.

Validate their feelings

Regardless of whether you have anxiety or not, all anyone ever wants is for their upsetting feelings to be heard. Alex says: “The key thing is to 'validate' someone's emotion. This means showing that you've heard and are trying to understand their emotional experience - what it's like and what is triggering that feeling for them.”

Don’t make them feel their emotions are wrong

“Comments that can invalidate someone's emotional experiences should be avoided where possible. For example, 'pull yourself together', 'you're being ridiculous, there's nothing to be anxious about' etc. These tend to send a message that there is something 'wrong' with a particular emotion.  Therapists would tend to steer clear of labelling any emotion as wrong, but instead would focus on the fact that someone is indeed feeling it, and explore the root causes and usefulness.  Rather than whether it is 'right or wrong'.”

Let them decide how much help they need

When you don't experience anxiety, it can be easy to assume that someone needs a higher level of help that you can give them. But it's up to the person feeling it to decide.

Alex says: "Usually we would approach it from the perspective of whether the person themselves feels the levels of anxiety they are experiencing are reasonable or not.  If they infrequently experience anxiety, or cope with it well, then they're less likely to identify it as a problem and so others shouldn't necessarily either.  If they do identify it as a problem however then it's a good idea to seek an expert opinion.  A Therapist will usually either look to normalising their experiences, which in itself is usually useful.  Or, if they determine that there is a psychological disorder then they will provide the relevant treatment for it."

Let someone approach you with their experience

Alex notes that it can be tricky to know when someone is experiencing anxiety because it comes in different forms. He says: “This can vary from person to person, so there isn't a 'one size fits all' answer.  Usually it's best to rely that people will share their experiences with others, if they want and feel comfortable to.”

Don’t put pressure on them...

Mental health charity Mind advises not to push someone to find a logical and practical solution if they don’t feel ready for it. They say: “Try not to put pressure on your friend or family member to do more than they feel comfortable with. It's really important to be patient, listen to their wishes and take things at a pace that feels okay for them.”

“It's understandable to want to help them face their fears or find practical solutions, but it can be very distressing for someone to feel they're being forced into situations before they feel ready. This could even make their anxiety worse. Try to remember that being unable to control their worries is part of having anxiety, and they aren't choosing how they feel.”

Try to put yourself in their shoes...

It can be incredibly hard to understand what something feels like if you have never experienced it yourself but Alex explains that it’s a type of emotion much like anger: “It's often difficult to define or describe an emotion to another person. This is compounded by everybody experiencing individual emotions in unique ways. Anxiety (the same as anger) is a threat-based emotion. So people often feel a sense of being on edge, or impending doom or disaster. Threat-based emotions tend to generate a strong urge to 'fight, flight or freeze', the last two being most associated with anxiety, and the first with anger.”

Realise that it can’t be explained away

It seems logical to try and tell someone that everything will be fine, but that’s not only the last thing someone wants to hear, but also totally pointless. Alex explains: “The amygdala, an older part of the human brain is largely involved in anxious responses.  Whilst the neurobiology of anxiety can be a complex subject, it's important to know that people's amygdalae can be sensitised or desensitised to various triggers and life experiences.  Because this part of the brain comes from further back in our evolution, it is not language based and doesn't directly respond to speech.  This is one reason why we experience anxiety at times which seem inappropriate or puzzling - such as phobias.”

“Here, the anxious response is being generated by the amygdala, yet the 'rational' newer parts of the brain which process language realise the situation isn't dangerous.  Yet, even so - it's very difficult to 'talk the anxiety away.'”

Understand that it’s no one’s fault

It can be easy to jump to the conclusion that you have done something to upset someone or that an incident has occurred to trigger a spell but Alex reveals it’s not always caused by anything you can logically think of. He says: “Anxiety is a normal human emotion.  It's also a protective emotion.  This means that feelings of anxiety that have kept humans alive over the generations, in the face of predators.  From this perspective anxiety isn't a fault-based experience.  But it is important to explore ways to manage unhelpful levels of it, if they're impacting your life.”

And now, take your mind off anxiety with some shade being thrown by Bob the Drag Queen....

Latest News

Arlo Parks - MTV PUSH UK & IRE 2021
Arlo Parks Has Her Sights On Acting & Directing
AWA - MTV PUSH UK & IRE 2021
AWA Says Her Debut Album Is ‘Very Vulnerable and Open’
220 KID - MTV PUSH UK & IRE 2021
220 KID Tells Us The Heroic Reason Behind His Name
Alfie Templeman - MTV PUSH UK & IRE 2021
Alfie Templeman Just Wants To Make You Smile
MTV PUSH UK & IRE 2021
Voting For MTV PUSH UK & IRE 2021 Is Open!
Get To Know - Iann Dior
Get To Know: iann dior
Get To Know - J.I the Prince of N.Y
Get To Know: J.I The Prince Of N.Y
Khloé Kardashian Reacts To “Disrespectful” Typo On Throwback Family Christmas Card
Shawn Mendes Reveals How He And Camila Cabello Are Spending Christmas
Selena Gomez Wins An Award From Peta For Her Vegan Rare Beauty Makeup Collection
Get To Know - Holly Humberstone
Get To Know: Holly Humberstone
Addison Rae And Rachael Leigh Cook Recreate She’s All That Scene On TikTok
The Weeknd - Blinding Lights - Music Video
The Weeknd's 'Blinding Lights' Was MTV’s Most Played Video Of 2020
Cardi B Surprises Offset With A Lamborghini In Celebration Of His 29th Birthday
Kylie Jenner Named Highest Paid Celebrity Of 2020 With Nearly $550 Million
Dixie D’Amelio Defends Herself After A Fan Doubted Her Feelings For Noah Beck
Shawn Mendes Opens Up About “Frustrating” Rumours Surrounding His Sexuality
Dove Cameron Confirms Her Split From Thomas Doherty After Four Years Together
Timothée Chalamet Transforms Into Harry Styles For His SNL Hosting Debut
The Kardashian-Jenner Family Have Signed A Multi-Year Content Deal With Hulu

More From Life

Generation Change
Life
Generation Change
22 Ways To Look Busy At Work While Doing Absolutely Nothing
The Most Empowering Moments From The Black Lives Matter Protests
Looking After Your Mental Health During The Global Pandemic
Generation Change: Our New Campaign To Support Young Activists
Our New MTV Breaks Podcast Is Here To Help YOU Break Into The Creative Industries
MTV Breaks: How We Help YOU Break Into Creative Industries
Punchdrunk: Sleep No More, Shanghai
Life
Punchdrunk Stans Are The New Arianators And We’re Very Here For It
5 Weird And Wonderful Adventures To Ditch Your Hangover For
9 Ways To Party And Still Feel Fresh The Morning After
7 Of Our Fave Eco-Warrior Celebs
6 Common Myths About Drinking, Busted

Trending Articles

Charli D’Amelio Sets The Record Straight About A Fake “Leaked” Picture Online
10 Things Your Heartbroken Friend Needs To Hear
Arlo Parks - MTV PUSH UK & IRE 2021
Arlo Parks Has Her Sights On Acting & Directing
AWA - MTV PUSH UK & IRE 2021
AWA Says Her Debut Album Is ‘Very Vulnerable and Open’
21 Types Of People You'll Find In Every Friendship Group
Celebrity
10 Celebrities Who Have Some Seriously Kinky Sex Likes In The Bedroom
MTV PUSH UK & IRE 2021
Voting For MTV PUSH UK & IRE 2021 Is Open!
18 Most Naked Of Naked Moments To Have Ever Hit Geordie Shore
220 KID - MTV PUSH UK & IRE 2021
220 KID Tells Us The Heroic Reason Behind His Name
Alfie Templeman - MTV PUSH UK & IRE 2021
Alfie Templeman Just Wants To Make You Smile
  • Contact Us
  • Access Services
  • Website Terms
  • Mobile Terms
  • Privacy Policy
  • Cookie Policy
  • MTV Jobs
  • MTV Press
  • Anti-Slavery
  • Global Tax Policy Statement
Hit us with some keywords!