The 11 Stages Of Surviving Exam Revision
Welcome to the world of competitive procrastination. Population: you.
Exam season is the educational equivalent of finding a poo on your doorstep. It catches you by surprise, it stinks, and you can’t avoid it - even if you really want to.
Ok, yes that was a really weird metaphor (or is it a simile? Probably something the many English exams we’ve taken should have taught us), but we think you’ll agree that it’s accurate.
And the worst part about exam season? No, not getting it all over your shoes (metaphor over) – R.E.V.I.S.I.O.N.
Yup, the dreaded ‘R’ word. The cloud that hangs over your head from the moment study leave starts to the very last second of your last exam.
You know what we’re talking about, so here’s the 15 stages of revision anyone who’s taken an exam has experienced.
Revise? Oh come oooooon study leave has literally just started, I’ve got all the time in the WORLD. I’mma let you finish but first I’m just gonna watch Gossip Girl from the beginning again real quick.
2. More Denial
*Whistles happily while updating Tumblr theme*
3. The Plan
RIGHT OK, time to buckle down, buddy. No no no no no I’m not ready to actually revise yet, don’t be stupid. Before I can study I need to spend at least 8 hours making an elaborate colour coded chart (possibly involving stickers?) to plan my day-by-day revision schedule. Duh.
4. The Stationery Haul
Time to get down to business? Not so fast, pal. Before the hard work can REALLY start, I need to spend all day down the local shopping center, selecting the perfect revision stationery.
Cute rainbow flashcards? Check. Bumper pack of highlighters? Yes m’am. Gold star stickers to use on my colour coded chart? Oh you better believe it, baby.
5. The Realisation That This Is Your Life Now
I’ve started revising. I’ve started revising and it’s horrible. How am I supposed to do this for the next three weeks? The smell of highlighters is already making me feel sick and I can’t remember what colour means what on my colour coded chart. Why was I ever born.
*Walks to door. Opens it. Shouts downstairs where parents are laughing about something the dog just did*
"WHY WAS I EVER BORN?"
6. The Slog
This room. These flashcards. This textbook. This chair. The gentle scratch of pen on paper. The hum of almost silence.
7. The Crisis of Confidence
There’s too much to remember there’s too much to remember there’s too much to remember there’s too much too remember THERE’S TOO MUCH TO REMEMBER.
Juliet says she’s been doing 8 hours a day and has memorised the entire life cycle of a frog. What the HELL JULIET you smug toad why don’t you just LEAVE ME ALONE an- I’m sorry you’re actually my best friend, please forgive me it was the revision talking.
9. The Netflix Blip
Took a break, turned into an 8 hour Scandal binge that I’m not sure I can ever come back from.
Is it handled, Olivia? IS IT? I CAN ASSURE YOU IT’S NOT.
10. The Final Panic
ONLY ONE DAY LEFT HOW MUCH CAN I CRAM IN MY BRAIN THIS ONE DAY AS I FLING MY NOTES AROUND THE ROOM AND ROLL ON THEM ATTEMPTING TO ABSORB INFORMATION VIA OSMOSIS.
YES I REMEMBERED WHAT OSMOSIS IS ALLOW ME TO DO A CELEBRATORY LAP AROUND MY BEDROOM.
It’s exam day. There’s nothing more I can do. Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more. Yes, I did memorise that quote for my Shakespeare exam.
- By Lizzie Cox.