I Signed Up To OMGYes, And Here's What I Learnt
It's the female sexual pleasure site Emma Watson recommended...
Female sexual pleasure is still a taboo topic that people avoid talking about. It’s absent in the media, it’s skipped over in sex ed classrooms, and a lot of the time we’re not even comfortable having conversations about it with our friends or sexual partners. What gives women pleasure is very individual and specific so communication is key, yet we’re all still too ashamed to talk about it.
Here's Courtney Act with your basic lube 101...
When friends Lydia Daniller and Rob Perkins realised how taboo female sexual pleasure was and that there had been basically no research done into what women actually enjoyed in the bedroom, they decided to take things into their own hands. They video interviewed around 1000 women of all ages around the UK, and partnered with Indiana University researchers to do a ground-breaking nationally representative study into the specifics of female pleasure through the experiences of 1,055 women between the ages of 18-95.
Then they set up OMGYes, a sex education website, to relay all their findings. After paying for a subscription to OMGYes, you get unlimited access to Season One (on external touching) where real women take you through their methods of pleasuring themselves via intimate (and totally explicit) video tutorials. Then you’re encouraged to practice the method digitally on a reactive vulva yourself, with audio feedback.
OMGYes has been hailed as the starting point of a new sexual revolution, and it’s been championed by queen of female empowerment and gender equality Emma Watson herself.
So I decided to see what all the fuss was about, and subscribed to Season One. Here’s what I learnt…
Women’s sexual preferences are hella specific
It sounds obvious, but I realised how ridiculously basic our understanding of female sexual pleasure is. Even if someone’s enlightened enough to know that clitoral stimulation is the key to pleasure for almost all women (the clitoris, not the vagina, is the female equivalent of the penis), it’s likely they have no idea how many specific, subtle ways there are to do it.
The women in OMGYes described exactly how they liked to be touched, pinpointing exactly where and describing exactly when it felt best to vary the technique, pace or pressure. As they say on the site, just the smallest change in technique can be the difference between pleasure and discomfort. Plus, what might work one time might not work the next as it’s subject to change. There’s a lot people aren’t learning or communicating at the moment.
Having the right language to talk about it is vital
Though the research found that many women were pleasuring themselves in similar ways, there were no words to describe these techniques until OMGYes named them. Among those listed in Season One are ‘edging’, ‘hinting’ and ‘accenting’.
It made me realise that having specific words for different methods actually gives us more power and control over our own pleasure – it’s easier to explore new things, learn about our preferences, find common ground with other women, and describe what feels good to our partners. Language = power.
Many women actually like similar things
OMGYes also tells you how many of the women surveyed said they enjoyed each technique, e.g. 65% of women found ‘edging’ effective (where you build up an orgasm then stop before it happens, and start again), and 80% enjoyed ‘orbiting’ (different ways of circling around the clitoris).
Clearly there are types of touches that women of all ages enjoy more than others. So although the details of how and when women like using those techniques vary with personal preference, it seems we’re all more similar than we might think.
Many women have the same hang-ups
OMGYes doesn’t just focus on the physical techniques that get women going, it also explores some of the common mental blocks that get in their way of climaxing. There was a section on ‘framing’ for women who feel themselves getting distracted during sex, featuring tips from women who’ve felt the same way. There was also one on ‘signalling’ where women advised how best to give sexual partners feedback without offending them.
OMGYes doesn’t idealise sex - many of the women openly describe times they’ve had less-than-perfect experiences and struggled to orgasm. That’s the beauty of it. It gives you the unfiltered reality of sexual relationships, rather than the airbrushed fantasy of perfect sex and instant climax that porn (and Hollywood) constantly feeds us.
Watching explicit videos of sexual women was surprisingly empowering
Most of the sex we see in movies or porn caters to the male gaze, with women playing out male fantasies of female pleasure. What struck me was that although on OMGYes I was watching explicit naked videos of women, these videos were full female gaze – these women were presenting authentic female pleasure on their own terms. They weren’t sexual objects, but voices of authority, and you were there to learn from their previous experiences and sexual relationships.
They also looked like real, everyday women of all ages and body types and seemed totally relaxed and at home in their personal settings. All in all it was refreshing, genuinely empowering and… well, it was pretty beautiful, however weird that sounds.
What’s the overall verdict?
For me, OMGYes definitely lived up to the hype. I learnt so much about how boundless female sexual pleasure is and how empowering, not shameful, it is to properly get to know your body and your personal preferences. I loved that it was totally uncensored - it was eye-opening to learn about so many detailed aspects of pleasure through real people, rather than learning basic information via simplified diagrams, and it actually made the topic feel less taboo.
OMGYes shares the vital information about female sexual pleasure that we’re all missing and I’d definitely recommend it to anyone, no matter their sexuality or gender. As well as subscribing yourself, there's also the option of giving an OMGYes subscription to someone else as a gift... all my friends are going to have VERY enlightening birthdays this year.
OMGYes Season One focused on external touching, but Season Two (when it comes out) will focus more on internal pleasure and the mysterious g-spot. Watch this space…
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