The 5 Stages Of NYE Party Hangxiety
What. Did. I. Do.
We all have an alcoholic alter ego. Be it the stand up comic who others wish would stand down or the Handsy Solo who’s dejected that none of the ladies want to come back to his place to see his lightsaber. Or maybe, just maybe, you’re the one who suffers from the mutant version of a hangover – Hangxiety.
Scared? You should be. The festive season means office parties, school parties, pre-Christmas parties, post-Christmas parties, New Year's Eve parties, oh-god-is-it-really-January parties - you name it, we'll find a party for it. And this means one thing: hangixety is more common than ever.
Here are five signs it might have taken you as its victim.
1. WHAT DID I DO?!
We’ve all enjoyed a bout of alcohol induced paranoia. Personally, I need only take a sip of champagne and I think the world is out to get me. But the paranoia caused by hangxiety is a fresh hell.
Agonising over ‘the night before’, trying to remember if you said or did anything regrettable. Unable to do so, you obsessively seek out evidence of your behaviour and won’t rest until you have proof. Sometimes, even if you can remember the night, you’ll create absurd scenarios in your mind, torturing yourself with fiction.
2. I can’t take all these emotions!
Do you know the main difference between someone who suffers from a conventional hangover and someone who suffers from hangxiety? The former can drunkenly stagger after their self-respect, whilst the latter is crippled by anxiety. Lasting from a day to as long as a few weeks, a sufferer experiences an increase in depression, stress, and unease. You’re tormented by an unexplainable feeling of guilt, which in turn can cause severe panic attacks.
Where alcohol was once a tasty and effective form of self-medication, it is now hell liquefied (but still tasty).
3. This is it. This is the end.
It’s very easy to confuse the physical symptoms of a hangover with those of hangxiety because, well, they are exactly the same; a headache, nausea, tiredness, dehydration, sensitivity to light, inability to concentrate. But while you may be able to function if you have the former, albeit poorly, you won’t be able to if you’re held hostage by the latter.
All of the symptoms are worsened by the anxiety. The mental and physical effects together can confine you to your bed, but if you hoped to sleep the day away, you won’t be so lucky. Oh, no. You’ll be wide awake for the whole experience.
4. I’m NEVER drinking again.
We all remember the first alcoholic drink we had and the friendship that stemmed from it. It was our wingman at every party. It caught our tears every time we cried into the cup. It made god-awful company bearable. How could we possibly say goodbye?
But if you suffer from hangxiety, you pledge to end the relationship every time it sets in. And you are deadly serious. This dedication might last a few days, a couple of weeks even. Until you’re somehow persuaded by your housemates to have ‘just one drink and then home’. And we all know how that ends.
5. Hangover, how I miss you!
When you fail in your pledge to ‘never drink again’ you do the unthinkable – swallow your pride and beg your regular hangover to take you back. I’ve seen grown men fall to their knees as they call on their tormentor’s predecessor to save them. But it’s out of your hands. Gone are the days when a ‘tactical chunder’ followed by a fry-up was all it took to return to normality.
If you recognise the above all too well it might be time to tell your drinking buddies your hangover is far bigger than something to ‘man up’ about. Check out these awesome tips on how to deal with your hangxiety here – and none of them require being a water-sipping clock-watcher. Yay!