12 Mildly Embarrassing Things We've All Done When We Fancy Someone
Guilty as charged.
It might feel as though everyone else out there has a monopoly on how to do the whole flirting thing, but the universal struggle of being completely bloody hopeless is actually very real. Here are just a selection of weird things we all do when cupid hits us right in the heart.
1. Creating an entire playlist based around the life and times of this one person and then dreaming up a quite frankly Oscar-worthy montage of your future relationship.
Ah, the weird and wonderful habit of a lifetime that does at least prove you won't be having to share your tombstone with anyone.
2. Re-reading your text history and coming up with a bunch of responses that potentially ~wouldn't~ have you seriously considering staging your own death.
There's nothing like discovering you misjudged the entire tone of the conversation to have you thinking about shutting off all lines of communication and launching your phone into the watery depths of the ocean.
3. Dreaming up a thousand different scenarios in which you bump into the person you’re pining for while looking at your absolute best and also being on peak personality form.
Difficult enough feats on their own, but the odds of these two rare events coinciding on the same night? Genuinely impossible.
4. Stalking their social-media profiles to such a worrying level that you already know who they backed in the 2013 General Election and where they were when England crashed out of the Euros in 2012.
*Quietly and guiltily deletes browser history*
5. Rehearsing entire conversations with them in your mind and then being literally speechless when the time comes to re-create the hilarious monologue you’ve been practicing all week.
Let's just sit in total silence. Cool.
6. Finally having the nerve to make conversation with them and then spending the entire time being paranoid about the amount of eye-contact you’re making. Is it too much? Too little? Both?
Hate to break it to you, but it's probably both.
7. Steering every single conversation in the direction of said person to get some kind of insight into their relationship status/emotional availability/incredibly crucial opinion of you.
"I'd really love to hear about your quite frankly toxic relationship Stacy, but here's a thought; let's talk about ____ and the fact he/she is single rn."
8. Lying about something that isn’t even important and then spending the next few days agonizing about why you said you were a fan of The Stone Roses and if you actually managed to get away with the inevitable follow-up question.
"What's your favourite song?"
9. Having to physically drag your eyes away from their weirdly symmetrical face because with each passing day your longing glances can only be described as transparent af.
Oh. Did you get away with that? Did you hell.
10. Or ignoring their entire presence to such an extent that said person probably assumes you despise their entire existence and wouldn’t so much as glance at them if a meteor were about to plunge the Earth into another Ice Age.
Honestly, how could they not know how much you fancy them when you’ve left a whole trail of breadcrumbs indicating quite clearly that you don’t want anything to do with them?
11. Manipulating your Instagram feed to portray your life as being more spontaneous than it actually is to prove that you're 1. extremely photogenic and 2. delightful company.
With both traits accounted for it's only a mattter of time before this moonstruck goon asks for both your contact details and your hand in marriage.
12. Remembering every single interaction you’ve ever had with this person and hoarding all the information into a tiny compartmentalized part of your brain stamped with their name on.
The date was October 3rd 2010. They asked you what the weather was like. You, of course, played it as cool as ever.
Anyway. Now let's get checking out a bunch of celebs who actually dared to date a civilian, the brave souls: