We Watched A Five Hour Virgin Promo Video So You Don’t Have To
Virgin's fake website and advert is pretty much the best thing you'll see today…
Virgin America airlines have gone a little left field in their new ad campaign, and instead of trying to entice potential customers to fly with them, they’ve created an airline to boycott instead.
Called Blah Airlines, the spoof is centered around an original video that simulates the experience of passengers on a flight to San Francisco. However, directors have swapped out actors for wooden dummies, and instead of the flight being condensed into five minutes of highlights, it’s the full 5 AND A HALF HOUR length of the flight.
So intrigued were we that we sat down in the MTV office and hosted a screening. Just kidding. What we did instead was watch two minutes every half an hour, culminating in 24 minutes of our lives that we will never get back. Here are some terrible memories:
A mannequin strokes her wig with a wooden hand. A baby cries in the background. The vibe is sinister.
1 - 1.30 hours
Finally some interaction. The flight attendant announces over the tanoy that turbulence is on the way. “I’m sure everything will be fine. Never say never though, hold on tight.” Are we about to witness the first episode of Lost Season Five?
No. We’re not about to launch into a sub plot that takes us off this terrible journey. Instead, peanuts fill the screen to a soundtrack of ‘zen music’.
There’s Middle Eastern music coming from somewhere, and a sign that says ‘No Fun’ lights up next to the No Smoking sign. It’s a nauseating mix of really uncomfortable and really bland.
There is now no way out of this rabbit hole of weird. Someone’s crying over the tannoy, as another voice talks about how they don’t leave the house for more than half an hour at a time. The lines between fantasy and reality have well and truly blurred and we can’t wait for touchdown.
The fake hair-fake hand woman appears to be drunk, or as drunk as a wooden dummy can be. Someone’s put a tiara on her head. She’s acting like the person at the office Christmas party who photocopies their bum, and it brings this saga to an uncomfortable close.
Not quite content with producing a film longer than listening to every single Taylor Swift album in a row, Virgin America have made a hilariously bland website to go with BLAH America. It looks like it’s been made by a ten year old in an ICT class and offers “Windows on every plane.” “Rear-mounted magazine pouches” and crucially, “Armrest”. Its mission statement: “You will get there.”
Where can we book tickets?