Thursday: Pop Shots
Manson's on the chopping board, Sharon's nasty post, Just Jack's a funny guy and Amy's off the sauce...
Top of the bill today - since the whole world seems to be breaking up at the moment - is the news, reported in The Star, that Dita Von Teese has said she feels like chopping off soon-to-be-ex-husband Marilyn Manson's balls!
The wild report came after claims that Manson is currently seeing 19 year old actress Evan Rachel Wood.
An insider told The Star that "Dita will not take any of Marilyn's crap, and hearing about this so called romance with this actress has left her fuming!"
Fuming is one thing, but doing a 'bobbit' ... that's something else. Let's hope she was just being metaphorical
Sharon Osborne's reportedly taken something we could only have hoped was metaphorical and made it real, according to the Daily Star and her daughter Kelly.
Sharon's brand of revenge against journalists who've upset her was to get Kelly and Jack to take a well, to take a number 2 in a box then stamp it up and send it on.
I hope The Star's right about that, or else we'll both be receiving something smelly in the post tomorrow, and that's just not funny...
Someone who's not short of a sense of humour, however, is MTV hot tip for 2007, new UK producer Just Jack, who's laying into Simon Cowell in an online spoof of his new video.
The promo for track Starz in their Eyes features Cowell mouthing along to some "savagely satirical" words.
We say nice one Jack, it's not like Cowell's never let rip at anyone else.
And not content with taking the mick out of contestants on his show, he's been after country legend Bob Dylan this week, calling him 'boring' " be interesting to see if Cowell's still getting any attention - much less a number one album - after half a century at the top of his game.
On the subject of Number 1 selling albums, Amy Winehouse, who's hot tipped for the top spot this weekend, is quoted in The Mirror as saying she's detoxing at the moment.
This came after her being sick at her G-A-Y gig last week. But she told Jo Whiley that she had a virus and was jetlagged, so why the detox Aims?