10 Ways Pop Stars Try To Get People To Take Them More Seriously
Because it ALWAYS happens.
So the One Direction boys are going to be taking ‘a break’. This means only one thing… solo careers, and lots of them.
Including the already departed Zayn, we bet we’ll be seeing at least three songs within a year of the big goodbye - so the boys should get ready to shed that squeaky clean boyband image to appeal to a bigger audience.
Luckily for them, we’ve got ten ways teen popstars have tried (and occasionally failed) to make themselves seem more mature and serious. Let's start with a classic...
You’re the talented one in the band, the others have been holding you back. There’s always one in every band and – at some point – it’s time for them to spread their wings and fly/dump the deadweight like they’re a sack of hot sick. Unless it all goes wrong, of course in which case, let the huge reunion tour commence.
Team up with someone more credible
When Ariana Grande needs a bit of edge, she calls on Iggy Azalea. If Iggy wants to switch things up, she calls Charli XCX, and everything always sounds better with Pharrell, Nicki or Calvin – they’re on so many other people’s records it’s a miracle they’ve got time to make their own.
When done badly, these ‘featured’ stars look like they’re being worn like a cheap suit – a cynical cred-grab – but when the record is a smash, everyone involved is showered in gold.
Get a haircut
Nothing says, ‘I’m leaving the past behind me’ like a proper barnet bash. The Biebs wants to turn over a new leaf? Break out the blonde. When Justin leaves N*Sync? Adios comedy sheep-fro. When Zayn heads off in a new Direction? Hello clippers.
Make an edgy video
Who would have thought that Rihanna’s Bitch Better Have My Money video – featuring nudity, graphic violence, torture and drugs – would get banned and wind-up luxuriating in worldwide media coverage? Apart from Robin Thicke. Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Britney, Enrique, Madonna, McFly, even Michael Jackson…
Take control of their social media
Most bands’ social media are finely tuned echo-chambers of love run by the record label. That is until your pop star decides he wants their ‘authentic voice’ to reach out directly to masses… unfortunately now they’re stuck in a triple-cringe Twitter troll war with a lippy seven-year-old. “No, you bum off @Harryhater2008, you big skidding melt.”
Get the guitar out
“I’m not a pop star, I’m a musician.” Once they hit their 20s, a lot of the lads start to look a little self-conscious about all that singing and prancing: cue the guitar, you know, like those proper rock people do. Your boybander will guaranteed break it out during at least one spot in the live show – usually half-heartedly strumming it during the slow ballady bits.
Oh, indie music, with your credibility, boring clothes and miserable, miserable music… Pop stars have been sending haphazard Tinder requests to the cool rock kids since the age of dinosaurs, with Miley Cyrus’ fun-tastic flirtation with alternative gods The Flaming Lips just the latest.
Have fun in bonkers psychedelic land, Miley, see you soon!
Date fellow famous people
Katy and Russell. Rihanna and Chris. Taylor and everyone… Some people you really do know are trouble, but that doesn’t stop our pop royalty failing to never ever, ever get back together with them, generating a whole load of gossip columns.
On the other hand, people said the same thing when Queen Bey fell crazy in love with Jay-Z, and they're still going strong after a decade. Maybe avoid any more elevator incidents, though?
Sing about drugs
Who’s Molly? A surefire way to shrug off the shadow of the Disney Channel is to subtly – or not so subtly, Miley – talk about your drug use. And sing about it. And Instagram it. But it never ends well, does it, like that 90s boyband bragger who ended up running himself over while barfing out of his car after eating three huge jacket potatoes very quickly. Not a good look.
Sex up your image…
The shameless classic. No, your cuddly-image was holding you back and you’re finally expressing yourself as an artist.
- By Tom Hawker