7 Things We Want To See From EL James’ New Fifty Shades Book 'Grey'
Besides a completely different story? Not much.
Because apparently EL James clearly doesn't have enough swimming pools of money, it's just been announced that she's releasing a new book, 'Grey', which will be written as 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' in the point of view of Christian.
YES, THIS IS HAPPENING. AND IT'S HAPPENING THIS MONTH.
But once you get your head around that, we've put together a few things we'd like to see from EL's latest crack at the Fifty Shades franchise, and no, it doesn't just say 'be a completely different story' (although that would be quite cool too).
1. Christian's catchphrase is 'Sweet Jeepers' instead of Anastasia's 'Holy Cow'
If we're playing by EL's rules here, Christian is going to need to get himself an awkward, childlike phrase to think of whenever Ana does something remotely sexy that we can all feel weird about afterwards.
2. His inner prince will salsa with joy... Or something
Anyone who's glanced at the books will know that Ana bangs on about her 'inner goddess' like no tomorrow - and sometimes it sounds like it's her split personality.
So, surely Christian will get his own inner prince, but instead of doing cha-cha, we just picture him doing a salsa. Are you writing this down, EL?
3. Fingers crossed we find out what Christian actually does for a (billion dollar) living
It'd be quite handy to find out what his job really is, besides being a part-time stalker of women.
4. Shorter descriptions of things literally nobody in the world cares about
If 'Grey' really is in the POV of a guy, maybe not every single thing he encounters will need a page long description, á la: “He sits down beside me and buckles himself into his seat, then begins a protracted procedure of checking gauges and flipping switches and buttons from the mind-boggling array of dials and lights and switches in front of me.”
Can. We. Not.
5. Ever single thought of Christian's ends with, "because I'm fifty shades of f**ked up"
"I poached an egg for breakfast… Because I’m fifty shades of f**ked up". "I took Ana for a ride in the helicopter... Because I'm fifty shades of f**ked up". That's a best-seller, right there.
6. No less than 50 substitutes to describe his, erm, manhood (that's one!)
Ana loved nothing more than whipping out her thesauras and finding new ways to describe her lady areas, so we can only assume Christian will do the same, like the gentleman he is.
7. Could it just be a picture book of Jamie Dornan's naked abs?
Seriously, a 600-page picture book of JD in various states of undress would do us just fine. Let's just make that happen.