Bad Girls: The Women of Orange Is The New Black
A quick recap of all your favourite felons
By Portis Wasp
"It's just like the Hamptons, only f***ing horrible."
If you haven't watched the first series of Orange is the New Black on Netflix, then we can only assume you've spent the last year behind bars. It's a prison drama like no other, with an almost all-female cast led by actress Taylor Schilling who plays Piper Chapman, a girl who is put behind bars for a crime she committed 10 years ago. AND IT’S BACK FOR SEASON TWO ON FRIDAY. Praise be.
If you want major dramz, unintentional laughs, scenes of lady-loving, bitch slaps and beat downs, American Pie‘s Natasha Lyonne in serious comeback mode, and pop babe Taryn Manning turning up as a bonafide crazy lady in dire need of a toothbrush, then this is the show for you. And if you aren’t yet familiar with the fantastic female felons that inhabit Litchfield Penitentiary, allow us to introduce the cast of crims.
Piper Chapman is the lead character in OITNB and is sentenced to fifteen months in prison at the start of the show for helping her former girlfriend Alex Vause smuggle drug money in Europe 10 years ago. Her fiancé Larry (played by Jason Biggs) says he’ll wait for his wife on the other side, but can their love for each other last when their only communication is a once weekly call? The odds are soon stacked against them when Piper bumps into her ex Alex – a fellow inmate at the prison. Awkward!
Alex Vause is a former drug smuggler for an international drug cartel who finds herself doing time in Litchfield Penitentiary for the same reason as Piper. The only difference is that Alex actually named Piper during her testimony in court, which is what led to Piper’s arrest. Bitchy much? Years before, after hooking up in a bar, Alex and Piper travelled the world living the life of luxury from the money Alex made dealing. That is until Alex convinced Piper to smuggle cash through customs at an airport in Europe – which has now 10 years later brought them back together, behind bars.
Galina 'Red' Reznikov is Litchfield’s Head Chef which means if you get on the wrong side of big Red, you’ll soon find yourself going hungry. Before she was put in jail, Red had been involved with the Russian mob, and proved how tough a nut she is when she punched one of the mob bosses wives in the boob for being mean to her! When she’s not cooking, Red runs a smuggling business out of her kitchen, and spends a lot of her time with Nicky, a fellow inmate whom she considers a daughter.
Nicky Nichols is a former junkie with a loud mouth and snarky sense of humour - which doesn’t get her into as much trouble as it should with her being Red’s favourite girl. Even though she comes from a wealthy background, Nicky has some serious unresolved mummy issues, which led to her drug habit and subsequent heart surgery – which has left her with a big scar across her chest. And so the Natasha Lyonne comeback begins, and we have no complaints!
Tiffany "Pennsatucky" Doggett (played by Taryn Manning) is a drug addicted Jesus-loving inmate who spends most of her time in Litchfield ranting about religion or starting trouble with Alex. After being sent to prison for shooting an abortion clinic worker in broad daylight, Pennsatucky becomes Piper’s biggest problem in the series when her increasingly erratic behaviour leads to the two clashing in dramatic fashion. This Boomkat babe turned anti-Colgate spokesperson is not to be toyed with!
Sophia Burset is a transgender woman who went to prison for credit card fraud. Originally a firefighter named Marcus, Sophia was unhappy with life as a man and transitioned with the support of her wife Crystal. The credit card fraud came about because Sophia needed to finance her operation and hormone therapy, which has now become an even bigger issue in prison now that her hormone dosage is reduced! Sophia works as the prison hairdresser and offers Piper some friendly advice when she first arrives at Litchfield. Naturally, Sophia also has the best hair out of all the inmates.
Suzanne "Crazy Eyes" Warren is a mentally unstable prisoner who develops an unhealthy obsession with Piper and lovingly refers to her as “Dandelion”. Often following her around the prison grounds, Crazy Eyes puts a request in to bunk up with her ‘Dandelion’, but when Piper confronts her and rebuffs her advances, Crazy puts the fear in her by peeing on the floor by Piper’s bed. Hashtag #PrisonInmateProblems.