15 Things You’ve Secretly Done On Your Period
Anything you can do we can do bleeding.
Ahh periods. Over half of us have them, yet for some reason nobody talks much about them.
The reason for this is largely – surprise, surprise– sexism! And the fact we’re made to feel that they’re something that perhaps we should have to hide, despite the fact that it’s a biological process literally none of us would be here without, is pretty a much a load of crap.
Are these period myths real or fake? Time to find out...
So in celebration of all things menstruation, let’s chat about some of the funny, kinda gross, but totally relatable stuff most of us have probably dealt with in secret during our period. Because anything dudes can do we can do bleeding.
Been totally unprepared for it starting and had to use a wad of toilet paper as a makeshift pad
And if anyone asks why you’re waddling, back to your desk, you’ve got an explanation about extreme thigh clenching being good for the core ready to go.
Planned your week’s outfits around colours that one show any stray blood
Leakage fear is real and white skirts are no woman’s friend when Aunt Flo is in town.
Double-checked every chair after sitting on it just in case you’ve leaked
Unless you’ve used the old ‘lay your coat or jumper on the chair and sit on that instead’ trick, that is.
Avoided the man on the checkout in favour of a woman when picking up tampons
You know it’s silly but there’s always the fear the barcode won’t work, he’ll have to call over 10 supervisors to help him, there’ll be an announcement on the tannoy and it will become A Thing.
Hidden a pad or tampon up your sleeve on the way to the toilet
Short sleeves in summer are a menace to anyone who’s ever had a period.
And then coughed to mask the sound of unwrapping it in the bathroom stall
Which is kinda dumb when you think of it as most of us using the ladies have periods and all know that we all have periods. BUT STILL.
Sneezed and had to run immediately to the bathroom to check for leakage
See point two and the extreme leakage fear for reference.
Played chicken with your pad or tampon and really lived to regret it
You just cba to get up and change it but as a result will have to sit really, really still until you do in case one involuntary move causes some kind of bloody tsunami.
Pulled out a tampon on day two and realised whoever said you only shed three teaspoons full of blood during a period was probably a man
Three teaspoons? More like three litres up in here.
Spent some real time inspecting a particularly major blood clot you’ve just expelled and wonder if you’re looking at the egg
Also wonder if you’re part alien because how did that come out of MY VAGINA?
Been mildly disappointed it isn’t socially acceptable to send everyone you know a photo of aforementioned blood clot.
What? It’s kinda cool your body did that.
Woken up in the middle of the night and been genuinely concerned that you’ve bled all over the person you’re sharing a bed with
Welcome to the uterus massacre. Population: me
Putting in a second tampon because you’d forgotten you’d already got one up there
What can we say? Life is busy.
Wondered if you’ve leaked or if you’re arse is just sweaty
10 years into having periods and you still can’t tell the difference.
Just thought ‘f*** it’ and switched over to red underwear
Because life is too short to consistently fear your period.