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11 People Who Are More Hopeless At Dating Than You

From borrowing a two-year-old to downing shots in the middle of a car park.

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Wednesday, February 28, 2018 - 16:35

Some people are just born to thrive in social situations while others sift through around 147 conflicting thoughts in their brain before selecting the worst one possible to speak aloud. 

For anyone who has ever wanted to grab the breadsticks and run away from their own awkward behaviour, take heart in the fact that nobody could be as bad at dating as the following eleven people. 

Let's get checking out if a bunch of adults can pass a GCSE exam... 

1. The person who wanted to talk conspiracy theories

Nothing quite gets the sparks flying like an in-depth debate about whether the moon is actually a block of cheese or if Elvis Presley is currently sipping piña coladas in Hawaii. 

dates 1-4: let me tell u about my extremely normal hobbies and interests

date 5: i don't think the moon is real

— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) August 30, 2016

2. The person who asked future bae for their email address

Forget Snapchat and Instagram. The sign of a healthy and long-lasting relationship is sending each other spreadsheets, GIFs and powerpoint presentations over the oh so romantic portal of Gmail.

https://twitter.com/Rick_Rawl/status/944489081907568640

3. The person who crowdsourced a two-year-old

Ah, we've all done it. Reeled someone in under false pretences, and then found ourselves up shit creek without a paddle when the lie spins dangerously out of control. 

Guys please borrow me a two year old baby I will bring it back.. I met this really cute guy at Checkers and he had a two year old baby, I told him my son is about the same age.....now we’re invited to a 2nd birthday party n I don’t have a baby to bring

— Noluthando Zuma (@thandozuma_) November 20, 2017

4. The person who did shots before their dinner date

Pro tip #1: Don't get caught downing your third Jagerbomb before the date has even commenced. 

My roommate went on a bumble date and was nervous so decided to pound shots in her car once she got to the place they were meeting and the guy was parked next to her and watched her chug vodka for 5 minutes.

Dating is rough.

— Syd (@s_kerekes) December 21, 2017

5. The person who played their entire hand at once

If dating is a game of push and pull until you both figure out you like each other, we'd advise against rushing in with a declaration of love before the starters come out.  

[getting ready for a date]
ROOMMATE: the key is to not seem too desperate
ME: ok
[later]
DATE: i love this restaurant
ME: haha i love u too

— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) September 30, 2015

6. The person who misinterpreted literally everything

That's right, you're not the only person whose brain eats itself alive in the company of an attractive person. 

[first date]

HER: i'm really into astronomy

ME: [revealing my secret stash of Milky Ways] you don't say

— dead phteven (@PhuckinCody) July 18, 2017

7. The person who critiqued their partner's appearance

As a general rule, discussing receding hairlines on a first date is pretty much a no-go area. 

https://twitter.com/mamapojo/status/919734047085129728?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffingtonpost.com%2Fentry%2F21-tweets-about-dating-that-will-make-you-laugh-then-cry_us_59e522d0e4b0a2324d1d0abd

8. The person who didn't even bother to conceal their weird

We're no expert, but foot fetish revelations should probably be kept under wraps until date three. 

WOMAN: guys suck
GUY: ugh I know right? guys are the worst. except me haha. i am good and nice. can you send me pics of ur feet?

— eric curtin (@dubstep4dads) December 25, 2015

9. The person who gave a guided tour of their entire house

Oh look, it's time to leave potential bae feeling unsettled at best and downright terrified at worst. Reassuring. 

*shows date my bathtub* This is my cry pond

— Just Some Guy | Black Lives Matter (@Home_Halfway) October 10, 2017

10. The person with literally the worst dating strategy of all time

In an attempt to play things totally cool, nothing works quite so well as completely ghosting a person and then wondering why they never bothered to chase you up about it. 

DATING HACK: instead of texting back right away, wait three days, then assume he's dead

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 10, 2015

11. The person who probably CBA to chew their own food

This lazy soul could probably win an Olympic medal for spending 98% of their day horizontal and the other 2% cursing the size of a regular human bladder.

your dating profile: i LOVE adventures
me: sounds like i'd have to do stuff. next-->

— chuuch (@ch000ch) January 25, 2016

So there it is. Proof that nobody has a clue what they're doing when they head into a first date. 

 

 

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