11 Reasons Why Being Single At Christmas Is Actually The Best
1. Your appearance literally does not matter.
Being single is a rollercoaster of emotions at the best of times, but come Christmas and you’re forced to face up to your endless spinsterhood all in the name of Baby Jesus’ birthday. Staring down the golden barrel of a Quality Street tin, wondering where it all went wrong and why you don’t have anyone to wear matching reindeer jumpers in front of a roaring fire with. Sigh.
But fear not, oh independently festive one, because actually there’s a lot to be said for being single at Christmas time. Don’t believe us? Grab an egg nog and listen up.
1. Not having to share Christmas food.
It’s common knowledge that the ultimate best part of Christmas is all the food that you’re allowed to scoff without regret or judgement. It’s usually either chocolate or cheese based, and you’ll probably have to ask your mum’s permission as to whether you can actually eat it before the 25th.
So when your single, the food possibilities are effectively TWICE as fruitful. No one to share the orange Matchmakers with. No one to nick the pigs in blankets off your plate. No one to steal all the good Roses and leave you with the weird coconut ones. Snack-based bliss, really.
2. Your appearance literally does not matter.
Technically, your appearance shouldn’t matter to any potential boyfriend or girlfriend in the first place, but the lazy way of life takes on a whole new level during festive singledom.
Anyone in their right mind starts consuming over 3,000 calories a day at Christmas anyway, but now you have the chance to do this while spending the entire fortnight in those ugly af, fleecey polar bear pyjamas with unshaved legs and giant penguin slippers, all while horizontal on the couch for the foreseeable future. Living the dream.
3. No mental sexy Christmas lingerie needed.
This Christmas, please spare a thought for the less fortunate than you, who might be spending the night with a string of white fur-trimmed red satin stuck up their bum. The ones who’ve actually bought one of those giant silky body bows for their boyf to unwrap. The ones who’re wearing a sexy elf neglige with bells hanging from their nipples and candy cane crotchless pants covering their North Pole.
You might be painfully single, but thank CHRIST you’re not one of them.
4. Watching Love Actually as many times as you want.
Replace as required with your favourite Christmas movie - The Holiday, Elf and Muppet Christmas Carol all work particularly well here. Don’t you worry about flicking over for the Eastenders Christmas special or the Boxing Day football. You have the remote, and the power is all yours.
Just try not to focus too much on the very relationship-based elements of most of these movies, because you may be left feeling sad and alone and needing the cheeseboard for comfort.
5. Buying yourself presents instead.
Ended up with nothing but fluffy socks, fizzy bath things that you’re probably allergic to and cheap chocolate coins for Christmas? No probs pal, because you’ve actually saved a shit load of money by being single at Crimbo, hoorah.
You haven’t bought any of the train tickets, date meals or naff presents for your significant other’s family - so why not spend all of these savings and treat yourself to something fancy. You deserve it. To me, love from me.
6. Zero family politics to deal with.
Rather than spending the run up to Christmas trying to navigate your way around two sets of families plus extra grandparents, brothers, sisters-in-law and second cousins twice removed who all need some form of crap gift, you can spend time with the people who you actually vaguely care about.
Plus, there’s none of those awkward buffets where you have to be on your best behaviour and make small talk to grannies while you tuck into endless amounts of quiche. Great news.
7. Avoiding being the tag along in unnecessary social situations.
Part of the deal at Christmas when you’re in a relationship is that you have to leave your duvet nest, Terry’s chocolate orange and Home Alone 2 to join your significant other at various crap parties in the outside world.
Standing awkwardly in AllBarOne at your boyfriend’s work do while he gets smashed with Tom from HR, until you inevitably have a blazing row on the way home and end up cleaning his sick off the stairs? NO THANK YOU GOODBYE.
8. Spending New Years Eve with your actual friends.
Forget that really awkward, underlying argument that brews throughout December regarding whose friends you’re gonna spend New Years Eve with. Forget feeling ever-so-slightly guilty because you’ve picked your pals over spending the night with your boyf/girlf. Forget heading off to a party with their mates and resenting them all evening because they’re not as good as your own friends. NYE is officially drama free this year.
Alright, so you might not have a guaranteed snog when the clock strikes midnight, but there’ll always be someone vaguely attractive lurking in a corner for you to get off with if needs be.
When the pull of the cheap Prosecco is greater than the pull of sitting with your mum on the sofa, you can be as free, single and as ready to mingle as you want when you ‘accidentally’ find yourself under that mistletoe.
There’s nothing like Christmas to bring you and that hottie at work you’ve fancied for ages together in holy snog-trimony. Knock yourself out, bae, and feel no regrets.
10. Literally spending Christmas Day doing whatever you want.
Staying sober so you can drive to your fam-in-law later in the day? Nope. Spending precious eating time putting makeup on to look presentable? Nah. Pretending that you and your sibling ever have vaguely normal interactions that could be considered actual conversation? No sir.
This year Christmas is entirely on your terms, and if you wanna whack on Now That’s What I Call Christmas, stuff chocolate coins up your nose and play the Harry Potter Trivia board game with your brother for three hours, then you bloody well do it.
11. Generally not being part of an annoying festive couple.
Because honestly, is there anyone that we all hate more than the two turtle doves who send you best wishes with their joint Christmas card, wear matching Mr and Mrs Claus jumpers to the pub and give each other flirty eyes when ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ comes on?
Nope. YOU ARE NOT THIS. LIFE IS GOOD, and so is Christmas.
- Words by Lucy Wood.
Now how about watching a video of guys and girls trying to guess what weird sex toys are used for? Oh GO ON, you know you want to.