Men Answer The Most Googled Questions About Men
From peen pics to poos...
There have probabaly been approximately 5,492 times in your life where you wished Google could give you an answer about why boys do they things they do. Because let’s face it, they’re odd creatures aren’t they?
But who better to answer the most googled questions about men than real life human men themselves?
Check out guys and girls taking the most awkward Would You Rather quiz ever...
Let me introduce you to two men who I sometimes (rarely) value the opinion of: my boyfriend, Adam, and my brother, Will. Both are men, sure, but totally different ones.
My brother's the sort of guy that grew up with older sisters, so is easy-going, used to being told what to do by women and is just an all-round lovable guy. And then there's my boyfriend.
He is great, don’t get me wrong, but let’s just say that he has a bit more of a *past* when it comes to being, well, kind of a douchebag to girls. Myself included. He’s changed now, blah blah, but that doesn’t mean his prior knowledge of everything from ghosting to Tinder game isn’t massively valuable when it comes to demystifying men.
On that note, I’ll leave it to them...
1. Why do men grow beards?
Will: “That’s not funny - you know I can’t grow a beard. I wish I could. Because it’s a beard. Like, a lumberjack. It would be fun and I could keep my face warm. But really for fashion I think and it could hide my chin.”
Adam: “To cover up their double chins. I’ve also got a young face so it makes me look older which I think helps at work. The industry I’m in is quite old school, so if I looked 16, they wouldn’t take me seriously.”
My chin could really use a beard tbh.
2. Why do men "ghost?"
W: “I don’t know, I’ve never done it but my friend Fred did it the other week. Or he tried but I stopped him. I guess it’s just easier if you know you’re never going to see them again because you feel a bit bad, I suppose. But women do it too.
"It’s pretty selfish though isn’t it?”
A: “Simple. Because it’s easier than texting back. You don’t have to front up to the fact that you have to tell someone you don’t want to meet them. I’ve done it before to people - actually, I did it to you once.
"But it doesn’t count as ghosting if we’re dating now. Men are pussies.”
It does count, douchebag.
3. How do men flirt?
W: "Haha! I really have no idea. I don’t think I’ve ever really flirted in my life. Make them laugh? That’s the one piece of good advice about women Dad ever gave me – make them laugh!”
A: “Eugh. I don’t know. I don’t flirt. It’s something I’m particularly poor at. I sometimes find myself accidentally flirting and I don’t know how. I’m not a good person to answer that.”
Accidentally flirt? GOOD TO KNOW, ADAM.
4. Why do men catcall?
W: “What’s 'catcall'? Oh whistling and stuff? Obviously I’ve never done that either but it’s probably one of few reasons; maybe it’s because there’s a small chance they’ll get a shag out of it? Or they think it’s funny? Or they want to show off in front of their mates?
"You’re asking the wrong guy, I’ve never personally been catcalled.”
A: “To show off. They’re not actually speaking to the woman, they’re just saying to their mates ‘Look how much of a lad I am.’ If someone catcalled my sister, I’d push them off a building.
"I was catcalled by a guy once when I was walking my dog.”
He was clearly catcalling the dog. She's fantastic.
5. Are men insecure?
W: “Yeah, of course they are. Probably the same thing women are insecure about. Looks and I imagine height if they are small. Maybe if you have a small penis.
"I’m not particularly insecure, because what’s the point? I can’t change anything.”
A: “Yes. Very much so. Why do you think we grow beards? The most common things are probably looks, if you’re funny or interesting and successful. How you do with women matters when you are younger but when you get to mid-20s that kind of goes away.
"I think that’s when it gets replaced with how well you do in life. Men put a lot of pressure on themselves for that. It’s a competition.”
6. Why do men lie?
W: “Why does anyone lie? That’s a difficult question. Do you mean stuff like ‘I’ll be home in an hour’ when you know you won’t? That one is more burying your head in the sand because you know they’ll be annoyed.
"Sometimes there are things you don’t need to know. Like, I lie about getting food that my girlfriend wouldn’t want me to eat. But nothing big. I suppose if you cheated on someone you would hope they didn’t find out. It’s probably a lot easier to lie than face the music. My girlfriend’s music is scary to face.”
A: “Ego and because often it’s easier to lie than tell the truth. They lie to make themselves seem more important and they lie to girls for the same reason. They want to cover up insecurities.”
Or because you don’t want people to be mad when you say you’re stuck in traffic but actually you’re in MacDonald's at 12am on a Tuesday?
7. Why do men like feet?
W: “You’re on your own for that one. Who googles that?”
A: “I hate feet. They’re f*cking disgusting. I’ve got your icy feet scratching away at me at night.”
Thanks for that.
8. Why do men take so long to poo?
W: “It’s time for you to get some peace and quiet. It’s one of my top five moments of the day.”
A: “Because there is a lot in there. And you get a break from your girlfriend.”
Top tip: Aesop's Post-Poo Drops are a relationship saver.
9. Why do men in relationships watch porn?
W: “I love that I have to answer this in front of my sister. Good. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean porn isn’t fun. But I don’t really watch much because my internet is shit and it takes ages to buffer.”
A: “What else are you meant to do in a hotel room when you’re away with work? Sometimes you just need to have a w*nk.”
10. Why do men pull away?
W: “Because they don’t want to kiss or hug you back. Simple. I don’t get embarrassed so if I want to do it I will.”
A: “I pull away from you in public because I don’t like PDA.”
I’m so lucky.
11. Why do men send dick pics?
W: “It’s funny? I’ve probably sent one to my girlfriend. I’ve definitely sent one to my mates. Is that weird? Yes.”
A: “To show off your dick. That’s it.”
12. Why do men prefer blondes?
W: “They don’t. That’s a myth. I couldn’t care less.”
A: “I don’t think they do. I’ve gone through phases.”
13. Why do men move on so quickly?
W: “I don’t think they do any quicker than women. If they do then they didn’t like you that much in the first place.
"I think they go and sleep with people quicker because they think it’s how to get over someone and probably a bit of a ‘f*** you’ to the person they broke up with."
A: “I don’t think men move on quickly. I think they either fake moving on or they suffer exactly the same as women. If they tell you they have then it’s a lie.
"I think men ignore it and then have to deal with it down the line, whereas you tell me girls deal with it straight away.”
Now check out guys and girls guessing sexting slang because it's well lol....