32 Thoughts A Gay Man Has On A First Date
Singular. Not everyone. Just this dude.
We've all been there, on a first date with a guy that you barely know. What do you say? How do you act? How do you know they even find you attractive and aren't mad about the fact that you catfished them with pics of you taken solely from your good side? Just all the normal worries, y'know.
This one lad experienced it all. Then decided to jot down all 32 of his thoughts during one of the dullest dates he's ever been on. The conversation revolved mainly around hair. Hair on his head, that is. Nowhere else, we swear it. We're staying PC.
1. Aw he’s cute, I hope he doesn’t turn out to be trash. I deleted Grindr for this.
2. Am I trash? Are all men trash? Yeah, all men are trash. F*ck he’s trash then. Oh well.
3. Is this even a date? We didn’t technically specify. He just called it ‘drinks’ and hasn’t touched me yet.
4. Is he staring at my bulge? That's weird. Eyes up here buddy. We met on Tinder not Grindr.
5. Although if we met on Grindr at least I’d know what this was. None of the is ‘this a date, is it a hookup?’ malarkey.
6. Gay culture is so confusing. Do you think he wants to talk about queer culture? Should I try and sound intelligent and mention Janet Mock?
7. Is Janet Mock date worthy conversation? Caitlyn Jenner definitely is NOT date worthy conversation.
8. I love Janet Mock.
9. Still not sure if this is a date, he’s still yet to touch me and won’t shut up about his day. I don’t care that you got your hair cut, tell me you think I’m hot.
10. Am I hot? I’m HAWT.
11. If he doesn’t shut up about his damn hair I swear to the queer underlords I’m- still probably going to get with him tbh.
12. Do I order the burger? He’s more ripped than I am, should I have a salad? I knew I shouldn’t have had cake before I came.
13. Sod it, I’m getting the burger.
14. I need food like rn. Where’s the waiter?
15. The waiter’s cute.
16. Oh, he’s looking at my crotch. My date, not the waiter. This is a DATE.
17. I’ve been ignoring him this whole time. Guess I should tell him his hair looks nice.
18. Oh god why did I say that? Now he’s going to talk about it more.
19. Talking about the big G.O.D, is he religious? That’d be interesting.
20. He doesn’t know who Janet Mock is. wt-actual-f??? Will probably still kiss him.
21. He just called me Daddy. I’m 24. Rude.
22. Oh wait, did we meet on Grindr? I’m confused now.
23. How am I meant to eat this burger attractively? Knew I should've ordered a salad.
24. Just go for it, stare him in the eyes and just do it.
25. I think he feels nauseous. Bad move, put the burger down. PUT. IT. DOWN.
26. I’m still staring into his eyes intensely. He thinks I’m weird.
27. Should I talk about my mental health now? Hi, I’m socially awkward, have really bad anxiety, overthink everything, and I can’t eat burgers without thinking that you’ll think I’m fat.
28. Wait, don’t body shame yourself, enough people do that for you. YAS WOKE QUEEN.
29. Lol, dmtfo.
30. His foot just touched my leg. He means business.
31. Never mind, he apologised. DOES HE WANT ME OR NOT?!
32. Going home alone. Better re-download Grindr.
Let us know your horror stories in terms of dating as queer folk over @MTVUK!