7 Signs That You Might Not Be Giving Your Relationships A Chance
Maybe it's you and not them...
Look, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being single, despite what our culture might have us all think. But if you would like to be in a relationship with someone (or someones) and feel a bit like it never quite works out for you, perhaps it's time to take a look at your approach to dating.
Ultimately you know yourself best and if you're putting the effort in and you're dating life just isn't working, maybe it's just a case of being in the wrong place at the right time. That's just the way it goes sometimes and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you in any shape or form.
But if there is a teeny little part of you that will admit that perhaps you haven't put quite as much time and effort into this as you could've, here's a few telling signs that maybe you aren't giving yourself the best chance of success.
1. Your friends are always telling you to give it another go
Do your mates always look incredulous when your flings end as quickly as they’ve begun? Are they always saying maybe you should give it a bit longer?
To be honest, you are the only person that can gauge whether this person you're seeing is someone you can see yourself with long term. But equally, it is worth giving people a proper go. The problem with Disney is that it spoonfeeds us this idea of love at first sight that isn't always very realistic. Yes you might hate the sound someone makes when they chew, but that doesn't make them a bad person. If you have 2045939 other things in common and actually fancy them, maybe it's worth sticking it out to see if that outweighs the mouth noise.
2. It never lasts longer than a month or two
This is similar to the above, but if it's only been a month or two with maybe a few weeks in between seeing them each time, how can you really know if they’re the right person?
We’re not saying force it or that you should stop meeting other people during this initial dating stage either, but if you like them then don't forget that intimacy isn't immediate. You've got to work on it to get there - and that takes time.
3. You’re suuuuuuper into it and then you’re not
It’s never really a gradual turn in feelings for you: one day you’re in love, the next you’ve got the major ick.
Unfortunately once you've got it, it's hard to switch that ick off and yep, you should trust your feelings here. But if this happens every time, is it worth a little bit of self-reflection in case it's not them but you. Like, are you sure you're even in the right place for dating right now? Are you going for the wrong type of person? There's no harm in having a think about this.
4. You compare them to your exes
Every person you date will change how you approach your future relationships, that's just the way it is. But it can be really easy to focus on small flaws of your partners, obsess over them and distort them. This often isn't really about the person you're dating at all and is based on your past relationships and even though it went wrong, we unconsciously begin to mirror negative dynamics from our past.
Similarly it's tempting to compare their strengths and flaws to past partners, but don't forget that even though there are clearly reasons that particular relationship broke down, this person is not your former partner. Are you letting your past ruin your present?
5. No one is perfect enough for you
Well guess what friend? No one will ever be perfect. You are not perfect. Finding love is all about accepting people for who they are and vice versa.
6. You have a one strike policy
If they say anything that you remotely don’t like or do something that isn’t your thing then they’re out. Look, we don’t want you letting crappy or concerning behaviour slide, but if it’s something small then remember it takes time for people to get to know what you like and don’t.
Just don’t immediately write them off and consider at least having a conversation about why their behaviour has upset you. You absolutely don't have to perform emotional labour for them, but if they are someone who you click with in 9392 other ways, it could at least be worth exploring before throwing in the towel.
7. It was going so well until you started picking fights
Started picking fights with the person you're dating and not really even sure why you're doing it?
Intimacy is scary and if you've had bad luck with relationships in the past, one of the ways we sometimes react is to pull away from people we're getting close to in order to avoid getting hurt again. This can manifest in loads of ways but one of them is in picking fights.
If this scenario sounds familiar maybe you need to have a bit of a think about why you're doing it, especially if it's something you're fighting about that you know in your heart you are blowing out of proportion.