Confessions From Someone Who’s Never Been In A Relationship
Eternal singledom beckons.
In a world where true love is seemingly one swipe away on Tinder, it’s no mean feat to have navigated your entire adult life without an official partner by your side through at least part of it.
Hook-up culture might have some input into the fact that a bunch of grown humans have a distinct lack of romance experience, but why is that some people haven’t even come close to securing a proper relationship?
Let's get checking out how well people know their way around a uterus....
Is it choice? Is it self-inflicted misery? Is it because humans are 99% awful and finding the one person who isn’t is like sifting for a diamond in a 50ft pile of manure?
Despite evidence to the contrary, we don’t all have commitment issues.
People who haven’t been in a relationship aren’t necessarily warding off all potential romances with a crucifix and a dash of holy water. It’s pretty sloppy to assume that singletons with a big fat zero under their list of past relationships have a fear of intimacy that always sends them running for the hills.
Being a third wheel comes naturally to us.
Forget being one-half of the bickering couple who can’t seem to stand the sight of each other for longer than ten minutes at a time, because the position of witty, eye-rolling friend has had your name stamped on it since birth. Why give up the alter-ego of a lifetime to row over who parked too far from the destination and who used up all the hot water? No thanks.
We don’t have a warped perception of what romance looks like.
Contrary to popular opinion, we singletons don’t sit around at home crying over Richard Curtis movies and wondering when John Cusack will rock up on our doorstep with a declaration of eternal love and a boombox blasting Peter Gabriel.
Relationships take hard work, compromise, and a whole lot of effort, which is probably why we CBA to enter one, rn.
We might secretly believe that we’ll be alone forever, but that’s okay.
You know how people always say that the right person turns up when you least expect it? We’ve been expecting precisely nothing since the dawn of time and the right person has *still* hit snooze on their alarm and failed to show up.
Regardless, being alone is probably something that we’re used to by now, and being forced to interact with strangers in a crowded bar and keep a conversation rolling for at least three hours actually sounds like our personal idea of hell. So… pass.
We aren't all blighted with low self-confidence.
There are a whole realm of factors at play as to why some people never enter relationships. Sure, some singletons have low self-esteem due to a tragic tale from their teen years where their dream partner egged their house on the way to prom.
Others are just too busy in other areas of their life to dedicate more than one hour per week scrolling through Tinder. Let alone pencilling in a date that, let’s face it, will probably end up with both parties cutting off all communication and regretting the whole sorry state of affairs ever happened.
Our approach to friendship is probably equally as complicated.
If we’re rolling with the idea that us relationship virgins are just too damn fussy for our own good, delving into our approach to friendships might shed some light on the situation.
Either we have about a thousand barriers up to all new people for the first six months of contact, or we have a wide collection of friends that take up all the spare hours of our day with their various personal dramas. Neither is really conducive to forming a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
But let’s face it, never having to consult a partner about anything is actually great.
People paired up in relationships might preach about how wonderful it is to have someone by their side throughout all the ups and downs of life, but who gets to binge watch Black Mirror at 2am without any regard for a complaining partner? Food for thought.