10 Signs You're Dating A Manchild
Starting to wonder whether bae isn't quite mature enough for you? Here's 8 clear signs that you're dating a manchild.
We all make mistakes in life, but sometimes those mistakes are reeeally, really big. And sometimes they come in the shape of a boy, who regularly leaves you eyerolling so hard that you can see the inside of your skull. Sometimes, those mistakes come in the form of a manchild boyfriend.
No, we don’t just mean a guy who lives at home with his parents. A lot of us are stuck in that millenial-shaped boat, and are still doing pretty well with life. A manchild is the guy who just hasn’t grown up yet. SURE that sounds fun to begin with, but when it comes to relationships, they don’t exactly excel.
They don’t seem to quite get the idea that adult life has already started for them, and don’t particularly seem to want to take any notice of it.
Sound familiar? If you’re faced with a boyfriend who enjoys nights out, shrugging at life and absolutely never facing up to responsibility, check out these 10 tell-tale signs that you’re dating a manchild. Soz.
1. He's got zero motivation or ambition.
A lack of ambition is a preeeetty big turn off in anybody, but a classic manchild will take this to the next level. Why bother looking to the future when you can stay exactly where you are and lead exactly the same life as you did in 2009.
Career goals? They involve collecting every Mario Kart trophy available. His deepest desires in life? Getting a squad sorted for pre-drinks on Saturday night. Looking to the future? Well that goes about as far as tomorrow’s footie scores.
And while it's totally fine to take time to think about what you want career-wise, 'working on an idea for an app' for years with nothing to show for it does NOT count as progress.
2. He cares a LOT about his friends' opinions.
It’s a relationship golden rule that alarm bells should be ringing if he refuses to let and his friends be in the same room together,
But equally, if you have been introduced to the ‘lads’ *eyeroll* and promptly ignored for the rest of the night, or completely dismissed by his equally immature mates, that's not okay either.
A grown up, adult human being who’s truly into you will always be proud of you and want to introduce you to the other important people in his life. If he’s putting his friends and their opinions before you, then theres probably a giant ‘MANCHILD’ arrow pointing in his direction.
3. His ego is outta control.
All about the self love of course, but if he takes things to the next level then it might be venturing into manchild territory. If bae quite clearly rates himself as an eleven out of ten and loves the sound of his own voice, it’ll get tiring VERY quickly.
It probably stems from him peaking when he was about 18 years old, and still believing that he's that same guy now.
When the most important thing in the world is himself, you will never come before his giant ego and selfish behaviour. It’ll probably also make him think he has a free license to do whatever he wants because it’s ‘for his own good’. Ugh.
4. He gets jealous over anything and everything.
He gets jealous over your best male mates. He gets jealous over your male co-workers. He gets jealous over anyone with a penis that you come into contact with. But then doesn't actually do anything else to prove how much he cares about you or to work hard to keep you.
And that jealousy streak always defies logic.
It's not even because you're flirty, or they're flirty, or because there’s anything going on - it’s because he can’t get his head around the concept of platonic relationships. A guy can be friendly to a girl without wanting access to her vagina? Whuuuuut?
5. He cancels on plans.
A manchild is all talk and no action. Actual, concrete plans are pretty much a foreign concept to him, whether they’re cute little date night plans, or huge commitment-alarm-bell-ringing plans.
Your average manchild will probably present a super romantic, Instagram-worthy idea to you every now and again, but it'll very rarely (if ever) materialise and WAHEY, you're left disappointed all over again.
A manchild never actually DOES very much at all. He’s always planning on finding himself a job with better prospects, he’s always planning on paying you back that money he owes you, he’s always planning on taking you for a romantic dinner. A whole lot of plans that aren't actual plans at all.
6. He doesn't take the blame for anything.
In some ways this is actually kind of a talent so credit where credit’s due, oh clever manchild.
Y’know that part in Friends where Joey blames a raccoon for coming in and stealing Phoebe’s muffin? That’s your boyfriend when it comes to responsibility for ANYTHING.
He pretty much keeps a victim card permanently in his top pocket to whack out whenever he’s in trouble. Did he use all your best shower gel? Nope, wasn’t him. Did he forget to pick up an important parcel for you? Nope, not his fault. Did he make you feel really shitty about something? Probably your fault tbh.
By the way, we’re gonna bet it is absolutely not your fault.
7. He's lazy af in bed.
As a charming side step from the whole ‘giant ego’ thing, he’s probably selfish in the bedroom which isn’t much fun for you.
Much like a teenage boy who gets a bit too excited by boobs and then it’s all over, it’s a half-hearted attempt to make sure you’re alright, and no real care for whether you reach the finish line or not.
A grown man will probably wanna make sure you’re having an even better time than he is, but a manchild will probably leave you wishing you’d made a sandwich or watched Pretty Little Liars instead. Meh.
8. He doesn't do anything vaguely responsible or 'grown up'.
Doing your laundry, changing your sheets, paying your council tax and cleaning the kitchen worktops are never exactly a hoot, but you just have to DO IT.
They’re just skills and teeny tiny bits of knowledge that you absorb while you’re growing up.
So prepare to hold a small sacrifice to the gods in the hope that they’ll rain down some brain power onto your completely useless manchild boyfriend, who refuses to learn why a water bill has to be sorted out and who refuses to accept that you just HAVE to take the bins out sometimes. Agh.
9. He uses you as a walking calendar.
What are we doing this weekend again? Did we have plans tonight? When’s my mum’s birthday? When’s our anniversary? Am I in work today? What time do I need to get up tomorrow? OMG. GET A WATCH, MANCHILD. GET A DIARY.
Should you really know your grown boyfriend’s schedule better than he does? Useful, adult information seems to fall out of his brain, and it’s up to you to get flowers sent off on Mothers Day and to keep an eye on his rent being paid on time. Not cool - and leads us nicely onto the last one…
10. You feel more like a mum than a girlfriend.
Hate to break it to you, but you shouldn't be spending your life rolling your eyeballs into oblivion, wondering whether he's EVER going to grow up and nagging so much that you sound like your own mum because OMG he literally just will not listen to anything you say. Sigh, that ain't you gurl, and it's also not a healthy relationship.
You shouldn't be paying for every single thing you both do outside of the house, you shouldn't be picking things up that he leaves in a trail behind him, and you shouldn't be re-cleaning his gross dishes.
Sure, you probably do have a lot of fun together when he's on good form, but if the bad times outway the good then it's time for a serious chat. You shouldn't ever feel like you're giving 100 per cent to something, while the other person is only giving a quarter of that because that's all his stupid, manchild ways will allow him to give.
- Words by Lucy Wood.
Say NO to the Manchild. And now that we've cleared that up, it's time for some all-important penis education, of course.