14 Genuinely Excellent Ways To Get Over Your Ex
1. Get a dog, borrow a dog or make your best friend dress up as a dog.
Is there anything worse than a broken heart? Quite possibly, but that doesn't make having someone stamp all over your feeling even slightly easier to deal with.
Luckily there are a few things you can do to heal those wounds, so whether you've been dumped, cheated on or the object of your affection's is getting it on with someone else, here's a few handy ways to mend that broken heart STAT.
1. Change the Netflix password
This is the NUMBER ONE rule of break ups, people. They'll have to get a new account and it won't know them or where they're up to in all their series, which is honestly the sweetest revenge imaginable.
2. Destroy every single photo of them that you own.
Flush them down the loo, set them on fire, rip them up into tiny shreds and dance in the resulting confetti for all we care. The act of destroying is cathartic af and getting rid of their smarmy grin will also help distract you from thinking about their adorable puppy dog eyes and that time they made you really good poached eggs on toast.
Note: this one should be reserved for physical photos only because while it might feel good in the moment, you're going to be really pissed when you get up tomorrow morning and remember you smashed your phone up during your rage spiral.
3. Get a dog, borrow a dog or make your best friend dress up as a dog.
Dogs > Humans. That's just science.
4. Order a cake with their face printed on it then throw it out of a window.
BYE BYE, YOU BIG BAG OF DICKS.
5. Buy yourself a new mascara
Not only do you deserve a treat but you need a mascara that is in no way as flaky as your ex.
6. Tweet Justin Bieber until he inevitably falls in love with you
Breaking up with that fool was clearly a sign you need to move onto better things. And do you know who is the ultimate better thing? Justin Bieber.
Say hello to your new life chilling in LA / in front of the fire eating fondue.
7. Buy a paddling pool and fill it with Nutella
Nothing in life could ever be better than lying in a paddling pool full of Nutella, not even true love.
Well unless you have a serious nut allergy. In which case we might advise skipping this step.
8. Get someone to hide a £10 note in the pocket of a jacket you haven't worn in a while.
Preferably their £10 note, because then not only have you made a profit but you have the joyous feeling of finding money you'd forgotten about to remind you that good things happen to good (if slightly heartbroken) people.
9. Change their name in your phone book to 5 poo emojis
And then when they inevitably drunk text you, you will remember they are a big pile of poo and that snuggling and kissing poo is gross and in no way something you should do at any point.
10. Eat so much ice cream that your brain freezes up and you lose all ability to process cognitive thought.
Not only will shoving Ben and Jerry's in your gob be highly enjoyable, but the subsequent brain freeze might at least numb your from the hellfire of emotions you are experiencing, at least for a while.
11. Leave 100 pictures of really creepy clowns stuck to every surface in your exes room
They will haunt their dreams LONG after they've found every last pic.
12. Go to Hogwarts and ask Hermione to obliviate you
My ex? My ex who...?
13. Send them a beautifully gift-wrapped yet mouldy potato anonymously in the post
For absolutely no other reason than for having the satisfaction of crushing their enjoyment of getting sent a fancy gift.
14. And if all else fails, just do this:
Because screw them, quite frankly.
Now how about checking out this video of guys and girls trying to guess what weird sexting slang actually stands for...