11 Rules For Dating Your BFF’s Ex
'Cause there's only so many fish in that dating sea...
Started to think about one of your friend’s exes in a different way? Don’t worry, you’re not the only one.
During your lifetime, it’s likely you’ll fancy people who you think you have no connection with, yet they happen to be someone your friend used to date once upon a time.
If you are gonna do it, there’s no easy way to go about it. BUT we’ve come up with 11 golden rules for dating a friend’s ex to help avoid ruining your friendship 4eva.
1. ASSESS THE SITUATION
First things first, you need to recognise that some exes are just seriously off limits. It’s a case of assessing all the things that happened between your BFF and their ex to decide whether you should act on your feelings:
• Was it serious or just a fling?
• Did it end badly or did they decide to remain friends afterwards?
• Has your friend moved on with someone else?
• Could they still have feelings for each other? Could they consider this ex 'endgame'?
• How did they treat your BFF when they were together?
And of course if they were a cheating, lying bag of d*cks who made your BFF unhappy don’t even go there. People who are awful to your friends definitely don’t deserve to be in your life either.
2. BE UPFRONT WITH YOUR FRIEND
Tell your mate how you feel while letting them know how much your friendship means to you. The worst thing you can do is go behind someone's back and date them secretly as when it comes out it’ll look like you were purposely trying to hide it. Gulp.
3. MAKE THE DECISION
Is it just a crush or do you think this could be the love of your life? If you really have an obsession with dating this guy or girl and your friend if ok with it, then by all means go for it.
But if your friend decides that they can't bear the thought of you together, you’d probably have to make a decision whether you want to sacrifice your friendship for a potential relationship. You did ask their opinion after all.
Chances are that you probably don't want to do that. Make sure you're thinking with your head and not your crotch.
4. TAKE IT SLOW
Warning: They may have said it’s fine when it’s really NOT FINE. So don’t go in all guns blazing, declaring you’re going to move in with each other and have babies ASAP.
Take it slow and make sure it doesn’t feel way too awkward to carry on with the whole thing.
5. DON’T TELL THEM THE OTHER'S SECRETS
While you are dating, don’t spill either of their secrets. Both your friend and your ex probably don’t want to hear the ins and outs of their sex lives.
6. IT’S PROBABLY BEST NOT TO BITCH ABOUT THEM EITHER
Rule 1 of maintaining a relationship with your BFF and their ex: don’t bring them both into arguments.
If you have a fight with your boyf or girl, resist the urge to bitch about them to your friend, especially if they ended on bad terms. If you need to vent about either of them, speak to a friend who can offer neutral advice.
7. RESPECT THEIR BOUNDARIES
Are they still friends or do they hate each other’s guts? Allow them to decide how much contact they want with each other and respect that. You can love them both separately without them having to like each other.
This rule applies for all humans by the way. Basically, don’t drag bae on a gals or lads night out and don’t invite your mate to date night, got it?
8. PDA IS A NO-GO
If you do all happen to be in the same place at once, don’t make it awkward for your friend by being super lovey-dovey with bae. It’ll make it seem like you’re purposely trying to make them jealous or upset them.
9. DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF
Chances are you and your friend will have certain similar traits or you wouldn’t be friends, so you’re bound to make comparisons between the two of you. You know your friend's ex like the back of your hand, and that can be difficult.
Just never try to compare yourself or ask them to compare - either way you won’t like hearing the answer. It’s just all too awks.
10. TRY NOT TO BE PARANOID
Obviously there was a time when your best friend and this person had those luurrrve feelings for each other. But your SO is with you now and your mate is totally fine with it, so don’t constantly wonder if they still have feelings for each other and don't constantly seek reassurance.
Trust that your friend is not plotting an ultimate way to sabotage your love. Basically, just don’t create problems if none exist.
11. THE PAST IS THE PAST
There’s a reason why they’re not together anymore and there’s no need to dwell on it. Try not to discuss the past and learn even more details of their relationship than you already know.
Our advice? It’s probably best to avoid this whole situation altogether, but you never know, you could end up with the love of your life and it might just all be worth it.
Only you can decide what's best for you and your friendship.
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