The 15 Stages Of Being In A Group Chat
If you’re currently alive and own a phone, then chances are you’re part of at least one group chat, if not multiple. Which means you’ll also understand these 15 stages of being in one only too well…
1. It’s started. An amusing name has been chosen, a hilarious pic for the icon selected, and group chat is a GO. How nice to have everyone in one place - let the banter and good times begin.2. Everyone’s on top form. Zingers are flying left right and centre, meme-sharing quality is high, and you delivered a one-liner than elicited crying-laughing-emojis from not just one, or two, but THREE fellow group chatters. *licks finger* *touches shoulder* *sizzles*
3. Ugh now it’s almost too lit. You’re struggling to keep up. You’re trying to type that hilarious response as fast as you can, before the moment’s gone and all you’re left with is a missed opportunity. It’s like that time you saw that guy from Glee and didn’t get a selfie all over again. #TraumaticFlashback.4. And then comes that moment. That inevitable moment. It’s time to make a plan. Arrange a group dinner, say, or a night on the town. Whatever the occasion, the fun’s over and you all know it.
5. 10 minutes later and you’re pulling out your own hair strand by strand, as valiant attempts are made to agree on a date, time, and place. Georgia’s ‘booked up’ for ‘all of July’, Reanne’s just realised she’s not free on the ‘pencilled in’ August date, Georgette’s suggesting dates and venues that have already been scrapped because she missed the beginning and can’t be bothered to scroll back, while Lucy’s sulking because nobody’s replied to her idea - which, to be fair, got lost in the chaotic melee that is trying to plan ANYTHING in a group chat.6. Now there’s low-level pass. agg. drama kicking off between two members and everyone’s trying to subtly mediate/steer the convo away from conflict while also sitting on the sidelines like…
7. A sub-group chat is created to discuss the two having drama in the OG group chat. Then ANOTHER one-on-one convo to talk about what people are saying in THAT chat. How many splinter groups are there? You don’t know. Nobody knows. That’s like asking ‘how many stars are there in the galaxy?’ except not really. But also yes.
8. Oh crap, you just posted a snarky comment in the OG chat. A snarky comment that was intended for the splinter group. Oh god, this is awful. This is terrible. This is the worst thing that has ever happened including that time you were born.
9. ‘Jen left’. There’s no statement more explicit than that. It’s cold. It’s savage. It’s a slap in the face to everyone else involved. It’s the group chat based equivalent of storming out the room in a huff, then slamming the door.
10. After multiple peace talks in various splinter groups, Jen is ready to be re-added to the OG chat. Who is the admin? Nobody knows. Oh it’s Karuna. She’s not replying. She hasn’t read the message. Where is she? Jen’s getting offended. Why won’t someone just add her back?
11. A few days later and you’re the one feeling insecure and approx 70% pissed off, because no-one’s responded to the, frankly hilarious, meme you just shared with the group even though you can SEE it’s been delivered to all of them and you KNOW they never go more than 30 mins without checking their phones. Annnnnnd here comes the anxiety. Oh god they all hate you don’t they. They’re all discussing you in a splinter group right now.
12. Aside from that one person who reads everything, but never says anything of course. There’s always that person. Everyone group chat has that person.
13. Oh wait - you’ve just woken up to 120 notifications at least 60 of which relate directly to aforementioned meme (take that, anxiety). This goes from ‘ooh what’s happened’ to ‘oh god it’s like homework’ to ‘I’M GOING TO SCREAM’ real quick when you realise the conversation is still going, and you’re missing more as you try to catch up. It’s a never-ending circle of notification doom and you will never escape.
14. How did all these beyond strange and inappropriate pics get on your camera roll? You were just trying to show Gram-Gram some snaps from your recent holiday and now it’s all awkward because she thinks you’re a pervert. WHERE DID THEY COME FR- oh. Oh. You haven’t checked the group chat yet. This will all make sense soon. Not to Gram-Gram though. Poor Gram-Gram.
15. Still, you wouldn’t change any of it - group chats fo’ life, baby. Aside from the plan making bit. That can do one.
- Words by Lizzie Cox.
Now why not watch this vid of people playing the most awkward af game of sexy Would You Rather…