14 Things That Are Way Better Than Your Ex Anyway
1. the smell of bacon and fluffy little puppies.
Unfortunately, break ups are a part of life. But even if your heart is breaking right now, you WILL get through it - and besides, there’s so many things that are way better than your cretinous oaf of an ex anyway. Things like these.
You know when Beyonce sung ‘if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it’? She wasn’t talking about a boring old proposal, she was referring to a glazed ring donut.
Binge watching a show on Netflix
Your favourite show won’t let you down. Or lie. Or cheat. Or smell. Although if you don’t scrape the cheetos dust outta that keyboard the last one might change. Just saying.
Planning your next holiday
If there’s one thing Julia Roberts taught us in that Eat, Pray, Love film our mum was obsessed with, it’s that travel (and pizza) heals all. Let’s ignore the ‘love’ part, because you don’t need no romance to make a holiday. Plus, looking at pics of gorgeous hotels cleanses the soul. Fact.
Going on an online spending spree
It’s been scientifically proven that dropping some dolla dolla on shiny new clothes releases the same brain hormone as when you fall in love. OK we totally made that up, but it sounds legit right? Plus you can always send it all back if you don’t like it, which doesn’t work so much with humans.
Killing it at school/work
There is NOTHING like the glowy buzz you get when you KNOW you’ve done a great job at school or work, and achieved something awesome. You don’t need another person to legitimise you, you a boss lady yaaaaaaaaas.
Fresh sheets day
NOTHING IS BETTER THAN FRESH SHEETS DAY. If putting on a duvet cover wasn’t such a horrendous experience requiring at least 3 extra arms and a degree in origami, we’d change our beds every other day, just for that clean ‘n’ cosy feeling.
The smell of bacon
Or any great food cooking, to be honest. That moment when you’re really hungry and you smell onions frying… could your sh*tty ex ever make you feel like that? Exactly.
Friday nights in
Putting your PJs on as soon as you get home, grabbing your snuggliest (yep, real word) blanket, your fave snacks, and settling in on the sofa for a blissed out night of you-ness. The dream.
Just to reiterate.
A really great book
The kind that you don’t want to put down. The kind that keeps you up until 3am, even though you know you have to be up early. The kind that takes over your life just a little bit in the best way. Basically books trump exes. Always.
THEY’LL BE THERE FOR YOOOOOOU, when the rain starts to pour, THEY’LL BE THERE FOR YOOOOOOOU, like they’ve been there before (etc. etc.).
The first day of sunshine after a grim winter
TFW you step outside and something seems different. Something seems… better. What is it? What’s changed? And then you realise. The air is warmer, the sky is blue and there’s the smell of blossom in the air. ‘Winter is over, bitches’, the birds seem to sing. ‘Winter is over’.
A new crush
That deliciously secret fizzing spark of new attraction that makes you realise there ARE plenty more squid in the ocean (trying to avoid cliches). Squeeeeeeeeee.
If all else fails, watching YouTube videos of baby pandas will remind you that the world is a good place. Seriously they’re like drunk little men it’s incredible.
- Words by Lizzie Cox.
Now why not check out a load of people trying to work out what these strange sex toys are for...?