Pop Shots: BRITS Teasers!
Who's there? What are they doing? Warning: contains spoilers...
The Brits 2007 take place at London's Earl's Court this evening (February 14) and we're expecting some fireworks - it is after all the first time it's been televised live since the Page 3 model and that bloke presented it in 1789.
For a start, it should be fun watching sex-lover Russell Brand, try not to mention his dinkle or dicksack before the 9pm watershed - and trying to keep his hands to himself as Joss Stone, Sophie Ellis Bextor and actress Toni Collette step up on stage to dish out gongs.
And as we reported earlier today, it doesn't look like the Gallagher brothers will be in any mood for pleasantries as they accept their trophy for outstanding achievement.
The boys will sing a medley of hits: 'Cigarettes & Alcohol', 'Meaning of Soul', 'Morning Glory', 'Don't Look Back In Anger' and 'Rock and Roll Star', and will definitely (maybe) flick a few Vs and utter a few efs and blinds.
Elsewhere, we predict Lily Allen's smile will be more deflated than Amy Winehouse's bouffant in a torrential downpour, when the booze-guzzling 'Rehab' singer takes home (we reckon) the silverware for best female.
At least Lily's dad Keith will be there to comfort her - the funny man will present the British live act award. And if Muse don't win it we'll eat Wembley stadium.
Let's hope Robbie isn't sitting in front of the box tonight too - watching Take That inevitably pick up the gong for best single for 'Patience' can surely only add to his woes.
And finally Jarvis Cocker is back - presenting the best breakthrough act - for the first time since his backside broke through his trousers while Michael Jackson performed in 1996. Let's hope Jarvis has something equally as controversial up his sleeve - or down his pants, this time.
MTV.co.uk's Brits winners predictions:
British Male Solo Artist
British Female Solo Artist
MasterCard British Album
'Eyes Open', Snow Patrol
'Patience', Take That
British Breakthrough Act
Corinne Bailey Rae
British Live Act
International Male Solo Artist
International Female Solo Artist
'Sams Town', Killers
International Breakthrough Act