5 Kissing Milestones Every Couple Should Celebrate
From first smooch to full on PDA.
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When you meet ‘the one’ (or one of a number of ones), you will notice that your natural bodily functions and behaviours take on a deeper meaning. A fart evolves from the passing of gas to an expression of complete vulnerability. BO begins to smell like unconditional acceptance and a burp is an exhalation of adoration.
But the most meaningful of all is the exchange of saliva. THE KISS.
In celebration of International Kissing Day, here are the five kissing milestones every couple should mark.
The first kiss
If the cheek is the friend zone and Love Island is endgame, then the lips mean ‘I ship us’. The first kiss is the relationship game changer because it means, or should mean, that the two of you are benched from singledom. You have taken a spit oath to pucker up to no other, so expect to get emotional.
But even if your heart is screaming yes and your pants are screaming hell yes, try to keep your MVPs in uniform. This is the long game.
It is no coincidence that International Kissing Day and the start of Wimbledon fall in the same week, for July is the month of tennis. In the day, you are spectators of the oldest, most famed tournament in the sport’s history, but come nightfall, it is game, set, match for your tonsils.
The french kiss, aka tonsil tennis, signifies the progression to the animalistic, lustful stage of the relationship where you can’t keep your hands off each other. #GrandSlam
You’re already official, but now you are also officially a pain in the objective ass and eyes. The two of you put on such a show in public that that David Attenborough could make an episode of Planet Earth based on your relationship. But he wouldn’t because it makes for HORRIBLE viewing.
Rating: two stars. One to poke each of our eyes out with.
Kiss on the forehead
A kiss on the lips says; ‘see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil’, but a kiss on the forehead says; ‘Man, I love my psycho’. I mean, the person is literally kissing the core of your crazy. That initial lust has developed into an indescribable love, trust, and respect.
This is love and friendship. This is for better and for worse. This is goals.
If your partner is pecking at your mouth like a chicken at its food, then either the hen is planning on laying her eggs elsewhere or the cock is going to be a doodle-dooing later that night. A brief kiss can either mean: “I am so sickened by the thought of kissing you that I am trying to keep the vomit down” or “I feel safe with you.”
This is the most significant kiss of them all because in that brief brush of the lips, you know whether this is it or this is ‘it’.
Feeling like a smooching expert now? Why not test your sexting slang knowledge while you're here...