A Beginner's Guide To All Things Kink
We’ve all seen Fifty Shades of Grey but - real talk - how many of us have actually been brave enough to try any of the kink we’ve seen? Sure, Christian and Anna make it look suave and sexy but how do you get past the overwhelming fear that you'll look like a total muppet?
What turns people on is different for everyone so don’t fret, we’ve got you covered with a basic beginner’s guide to BDSM (Bondage/Domination/Sado-Masochism) and kink so you're all clued up on what it's actually all about.
What is kink?
In a sexual sense, this is a pretty broad term used to describe sexual practices that don't necessarily fit the traditional idea of what sexual intercourse is. However, what you call 'non-traditional' sex very much depends on your cultural background, so can be pretty different for everyone. Ultimately though, it's sex that is often based on deep desires and fantasies. It might involve props, toys or outfits and might not necessarily even involve intercourse.
But first, how well do people actually know their way around a dick?
How do I know if kink is for me?
Before we get into all of this, a casual reminder that when it comes to anything sex-related, the fun should only go as far as both of you are comfortable with. That means always, ALWAYS talking to your partner(s) first about what you want to try and getting their consent so everybody's happy, safe and having a great time. When you're engaging in kinky sex and particularly sex that relies on power play, having a safe word is extremely important to make sure you are always aware of each other's limits and are always consenting.
As to whether kink is for you, it's all about what turns you on plus the individual comfort level of you and your partner. There are plenty of online resources to help you get an idea of whether different types of kinks you perhaps have never heard of might appeal to you, like the Yes, No, Maybe So checklist, this visual ideas map you can fill in with your partner and this intro to BDSM quiz.
Alternatively here's just a few examples of some often talked about kinks so you know what's what:
The whole appeal of spanking is it increases blood flow and makes an area more sensitive by stimulating the nerve endings to release waves of pleasurable endorphins. If you want to give it a go then start with your hand and increase pressure until you or your partner says so. Then if you’re feeling more adventurous you can move on to toys like whips or paddles. Cheeky.
According to a 2016 poll, 12.7m people in the UK admitted they’ve tried a little tying up action and if you like the idea of being tied up or tying your partner up then it’s super easy to try. You don’t need to get any fancy shmancy equipment, just use a tie, scarf or anything you might have around the house. For added thrills, grab a blindfold. This appeals to either your dominant fantasy or your submissive one. Or try both.
This is the easiest or hardest kink, depending on who you are as a person because all it requires is imagination. Think about the different scenarios you might find hot a la Fifty Shades and go for it. The main thing is to leave your embarrassment at the door.
There's definitely stages to this one that range from fingering and rimming all the way up to anal. The general rule is go slow and use a whole lotta lube but if you wanna have a go then start with a finger and see how you feel. If you want to move to the next level then it’s all about lube, lube, lube. There can never be enough lube. Or if you want to get really into it, grab some toys like a butt plug so you can add it into your regular sex sesh.
Domination vs submission
It’s thought that you either fall into camp domination or team submission so let us explain what exactly they are. But the most important thing to remember is it’s not about one person having power over another. Although the D of the D/S is the one giving commands and making the decisions, the S is actually the person that sets the boundaries and tell their partner what they want. Consent is key here and usually you'll have a safe word to stop things immediately if someone decides they have reached their limits.
Sex toys are probs the easiest and least intimidating way or breaking into kink. Beginners should start with whatever takes their fancy but if you’re totally clueless then go for a vibrator. They’re easy to use and easy to introduce. There's a whole world of sex toys out there though, so why not grab your partner, head to an adult store and explore the options to find something that works for you both.
Basically this is people who like pain. The Sado (sadism) part refers to those who like feeling pain and the Masochism are the people who like inflicting it. This can include biting, bondage, clamps, slapping, gags, handcuffs, hot wax, spanking and verbal humiliation. For beginners we suggest sticking to the easier stuff like handcuffs and spanking and see how you like it. This again relies on consent so if this is something that interests you, you want to have a safe word to allow all parties a way to clearly verbalise their limits just in case.
Now check out Hannah Witton's guide to doing it because, well, duh....