London Fire Brigade Issues A Warning To Fifty Shades Fans After Loads Of Sex Toy Disasters
Thanks to the heartfelt words of EL James and the monumental motion pictures, Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker, more and more people are finding themselves involved in sex toy related disasters, apparently. Not ideal.
In fact, the problem has become such a nationwide epidemic that the London Fire Brigade has issued a message of caution, to couples who’ve been inspired to be a bit more adventurous in the bedroom.
Following the release of the second Fifty Shades movie this month, the LFB have now shared the very wise warning "if it doesn't fit, don't force it”. Christ.It may interest you and your genitals to know that, since April 2016, firefighters have attended no less than nine penis ring removal incidents.
Pretty sure that never happened to Christian Grey, but alright.
Handcuff rescues have also increased since the first Fifty Shades film hit cinemas with 27 incidents in 2015/16, while the number of times firefighters attended to people being stuck in things, often in everyday household items, reached 459.
The struggle is real, guys.Kinkfests resulting in Londoner's being #50ShadesOfRed might sound like an absolute LOL, but it’s actually a pretty expensive issue.
Thanks to Fifty Shades fans trying out all of this new malarky, the taxpayer has now forked out around £830,000 over the past five years to sort ‘em out.In an effort to reduce this, the brigade started the Fifty Shades of Red campaign when the books were released, asking people to think carefully about the outcome before getting themselves into "sticky situations.”
Yep, sticky. It includes gems such as this:"We're pleased that fewer people are getting themselves stuck in difficult situations and reducing call outs, however, it seems the Fifty Shades of Grey effect is still leading to some call embarrassing call outs," London Fire Brigade Director of Operations Dave Brown explained.
"I'd like to remind everyone that 999 is an emergency number and should only be used as such. If there's a genuine emergency, fire crews will of course attend and will be on the scene to help within minutes.”
So there you go. If the worst really does happen, find some comfort in the fact that you’re not alone if you get stuck in a cock ring.Words by Lucy Wood.
COOL. Speaking of sexy stuff, here's the most awkward sexy game ever of Would You Rather.