12 Alternative Uses For The Humble Condom
You know, besides using it to stop yourself making a baby.
Thought the condom was a one trick pony? Think again, because our little latex friend is actually versatile af, and here’s 12 examples that prove just that.
Ohhhhhhhhhh yeah (*suggestive eyebrow waggle*) - the numero uno and MOST IMPORTANT use for a condom is obviously the one it was designed for: safe sex.
Not only does that handy little rubber glove help prevent unwanted pregnancy, but it’s only the ONLY form of contraception that protects against STIs. Condom, you tha real MVP.
*NB* All of the below require a NON-LUBRICATED or WASHED condom. Trust us, there’s no way you’re opening a jar if it’s lubed up.
To do your makeup.
No, really, this is an actual thing. Some vlogger blogger shlogger types have been whacking ‘doms over their beauty blenders for a silky smooth foundation base. Perfect for those of us who never wash the germy sponges - not so ideal for anyone who would rather their face did not smell of latex.
As a phone case.
Be the coolest kid in school by wrapping your phone in a latex sheath. It’s even possible to use the touch screen through the condom, and if you tie a tight enough knot, it’ll make it waterproof (!!!!). This article is great isn’t it. You’re so glad you’re reading this right now.
As a water balloon.
Don’t know if you’ve ever tried to blow up a condom or seen someone do it (there’s always one boy at school who thinks it’s hilarious), but those things EXPAND. They’re also pretty strong (gotta fend off the extra hench sperm). What do these two facts combined mean? That they make *excellent* water balloons, obviously.
Think head-to-toe-drenched AND lying-on-the-floor-moaning-in-a-pool-of-water kind of results. That second one wasn’t supposed to sound as sexual as it did. Sorry.
To start a fire.
OK so this is slightly concerning considering how many people do the horizontal fandango with a load of candles around, but condoms are SUPER FLAMMABLE.
Our point? A) next time you want to get romantic, keep those scented candles waaaaay out of peen’s way, and B) if you’re ever lost in the wilderness, you can use a condom and some kindling to start a fire. #BoyScoutLyf
As a slingshot.
If you fancy getting your Beano on (that comic ft. Dennis the Menace remember?) then feel free to cut the top off a plastic cup, roll a love glove over the top, then drop the object you want to catapult inside.
Simply pull it back, let go, and take out someone’s eye within seconds. Lawsuits ahoy.
As a stress-reliever.
Feeling worked up? Need to release some tension? Grab a condom and let’s go… (*double suggestive eyebrow waggle*) MAKE A STRESS RELIEVER.
Essentially you just fill one with flour, but if you fancy watching a minute long video on how to do just that, you’re in LUCK.
To open that pesky jar.
Picture the scene. You’re making dinner. Your pasta is perfectly cooked. Now, to add the sauce. 15 minutes later you’re a sweating, furious mess as you desperately try to pry off the lid that appears to have been welded on. ENTER, MONSIEUR CONDOM.
Simply whack him over the top of the jar, and voila! The rubber will give you enough grip to pop that sucker right off.
To waterproof a bandage or plaster.
There’s nothing worse that a wet flappy plaster, so next time you’re going for a dip and want to keep that blister/graze/weeping sore protected, why not snip the end off of a condom, and pull it on like a sock/sleeve/snood to keep that bandage or plaster waterproof? You’re welcome.
As an ice-pack for your cooler.
You’re enjoying a romantic picnic with a hot date. You open up the cool bag. What does he see? There, nestling among the sandwiches? What is that? Is….. Is that a…? Yes, Patrick, it’s a condom. A condom filled with ice, keeping our Capri-Suns nice and cool. Got a problem?
Forget your mum’s old ‘sandwich bags inside the shoes on a rainy day’ trick (or was that just us?), because slipping your tootsies into a pair of condoms is actually a lot neater, AND more effective. Although potentially q sweaty.
Again, you. are. welcome.
Keeping that banana fresh.
Refer to point number one. But also, if you’re feeling a bit full halfway through that ‘nana, just slip a condom over it to keep it from going brown. You’ll probably get a few weird looks, but hey - haters gon’ hate.
- Words by Lizzie Cox.
Now why not check out a bunch of guys and girls trying to guess what this weird sexting slang stands for...?