11 Things Everyone Thinks When Someone Sees You Naked For The First Time
"Yep, those are my nipples. HIYA."
Look, as much as we are empowered human beings owning our bodies and throwing up a fierce middle finger at any concept of an 'ideal' when it comes to beauty standards, we're still human beings. And that means that getting naked in front of someone for the first time is still kind of a big deal, no matter how confident we are in ourselves and our skin.
With that in mind, here's 11 things everyone thinks when whipping off their clothes and baring all in front of someone new.
1. Really wish I’d worn better underwear. Lemme just whip it off real quick and stuff it down the side of the bed before you notice.
2. Oh yep, there go my clothes. All gone. Not a stitch on me. Oh wait, still got a sock on. Let me just.... try... and... work it off... with… my toe.... while still looking sexy.... DONE. Ta-dah, here is my birthday suit.
3. Oh god I'm in my birthday suit totally naked just laying here with everything out in the open. agh.
4. What are my boobs saying now that they’ve been freed from their boob prison? (Yes I do mean a bra). Don’t let me down, girls. Best behaviour please. Sit up. ATTENNNNNSHUN.
5. Let's just turn those lights down shall we, buster? First time means anywhere on the spectrum between pitch black to very dim - I don’t care how secure you are.
6. Yep, those are my nipples and there are your bits. Whoah. Hiya. Hello.
7. Is this what you were expecting? Do I look OK? Do you still fancy me? Try and give me some indication that I look amazing pls.
8. Have you spotted that mole/birthmark/scar/tattoo I got when I was 18 and have intensely regretted ever since yet? Should I mention it? Make a lighthearted joke about it? Or just forget it because I’m NAKED and the last thing you’re thinking about is a little mole?! Yes, that last one. Need to stop being ridiculous.
9. On top? You want me to go on top, as in the position in which you will have an unrestricted view of my entire body? Cool. Totally cool. *pushes down wave of anxiety*
10. Now let’s just move like thiiiiiiiiiiiiis *shuffles* so you can see my bum more because it’s totally my best feature and here, just look at it.
11. Ok...this is actually kind of great. Wonder if you’re thinking exactly the same things about your very naked nakedness?
- Words by Lizzie Cox.
Now how about watching a video of guys and girls trying to guess what weird sex toys are for? Ok then...