15 totally (un)reasonable things everyone with a crush has done
1. Stalked them on every social media platform ever made to the extent that you know Aunt Jenny is recovering nicely from that hip operation and that the Snapchat dog filter is their aesthetic.
It’s called research, OK, and it’s a very valuable skill. *whistles*
2. Walked the oh-so-delicate line that is scrolling back 55 weeks deep on their instagram, avoiding that little heart like it’s a rabid piranha.
3. Been jealous of anyone and everyone who comes into contact with them who isn’t you, including friends, family and pets.
Why can’t you laugh with them like that? Why can’t you live under the same roof? Why can’t you play fetch with them for hou- OK actually no that last one we’ll leave to the pets.
4. Whacked up the music on your iPod and spent an entire bus/train/car journey constructing elaborate fantasy situations featuring them, with better plot lines and more detail than most Hollywood rom-coms.
5. Revisited your favourite of these intricate daydreams on a daily basis, adding slight improvements here and there as if you’re a novelist perfecting a book.
Sidenote: obviously all of these imaginary scenarios are set to music. Obviously.
6. Missed a prime opportunity to make an impression because speaking to them IRL proved too much for your love-struck and suddenly crippilingly shy brain to handle.
7. Spent WAAAAAAAAY too much time obsessing over their arms/lips/earlobes/chin dimple/any other very specific body part.
Never have arms/lips/earlobes or a chin dimple been so attractive. Never.
8. Grabbed a prime opportunity to make an impression and then ruined it by getting tongue-tied and saying something like ‘um… cheese?’ when they actually asked you for the time.
9. Spent hours crafting the perfect snap for your Snapchat story, only for 24 hours to expire WITHOUT THEM SEEING IT.
Oh the pain. The paaaaaaain.
10. Tried to get in to something they’re in to, so that you like totally have something in common.
Only issue is it turns out you really really suck at skateboarding and don’t fancy breaking an arm.
11. Set their profile pic as your phone background. Oh wait… is that just us?
12. Written out and deleted and written out and deleted and written out and deleted a text/whatsapp/tweet to them because OH GOD what if they don’t reply?
How will you survive? How will your wasted heart ever love again
13. Rehearsed every single possible conversation you might ever have with them ever.
Why? Errr, refer to points 6. and 7. please.
14. Told every single friend you have how much you love them, how you are destined to be together and how you will live happily ever after.
15. Regretted telling every single friend you have how much you love them, how you are destined to be together and how you will live happily ever after because now every time said crush walks in the room, they all give you REALLY OBVIOUS knowing glances and nudges.
There are special places in hell reserved for the people who also make kissy noises as he/she walks by.
- By Lizzie Cox.